Doing It Again – A Rebound Relationship

So, the deed is done months back and you think you are ready for dates again, and maybe another round of romance. Or, are you, I mean, really?

How would you know that you are really ready and wont fall into the ditch of a rebound relationship? The average so-called grieving period for someone who had ended a relationship, I was told, is about a year before you actually plunge yourself into another relationship. But , really, what is the cut-off period? Is is from the actual break up, or from date of official divorce? And one year?? Come on. Who set this thing up?

Some people have become the master at hiding their emotions and inner turmoil that people actually doesnt know they are in the process of grieving over a failed relationships. They still sound the same, look the same or maybe look even better, so, what gives? The leaner and slimmer look might have been brought by losing the appetite to eat after the break up. Such a workable diet that is but not necessarily a healthy one.

A friend of mine wrote an email to me recently and he told me this – to keep check over my emotion because the first comfy shoulder to lean on will be very attractive. What wise words. 

When you have been the other half of a couple for a few good years, there are a few things that could shake you badly when the relationship ends. For instance, the loneliness might be a bit too much when the evening comes. The human interaction, physical connection and sexual release might be another area that seems to be amplified whenever you let your mind wander a little more than it should. Sometimes you need hugs whenever there is a thunderstorm or just a simple cuddle while watching the tv in the evening.

“He is more caring than my ex”, or “She understands me better than my ex”. Sounds familiar? Do you still cry whenever you hear “your song”? Feeling depressed when you eat in the same restaurant that you spent the last anniversary at?

How would you know that you are in a rebound relationship? A few things that you need to have a reality-check are these:

  • do you still feel the terrible pain and hurt, endlessly over the last failed relationship?
  • do you keep comparing and analysing the current relationship to the previous one?
  • do you have a mental block to really give “your all” in this new relationship for fear of getting hurt again?

If you have said “yes” to any of the above, then perhaps you should take it easy before committing something you might regret later on. Those regrets, as what I have witnessed, including a lady friend who decided to tie the knots three months after the ink on the divorce paper dried up, proceeded to get pregnant and then six months down the road found the marriage incompatible.

However, rebound relationships may not be all that bad. It is actually a process all together. A process to heal and be healed. To bring back the self esteem, to feel loved and wanted again. To be with oneself again. Some sort of a life discovery of new and re discovering old forgotten feelings that was buried in the depth of the old relationships.

Sometimes, you may find your self again and maybe your true love at the end. The trick is to take your time and enjoy the journey.

Wordless Saturday

Another round of my Wordless Saturday. I have pretty much to write about but then have decided against it. Its about something that leaves me with a great feeling 😉 More on that, but not so soon.

G Spot – Do You Have It?

An article over the oh-elusive G-Spot for women has gotten me tickled pink. Theres the good news. And the bad news. The good news is, it does exists. The bad new is not every woman has it. The article has also suggested that a “woman without the visible G spot cannot have a virginal orgasm”.

Hey, I thought its all about the techniques and a caring partner? I mean, show me a woman who thinks she knows she has G spot but cant orgasm because the partner kept on asking, “Did I hit the right spot, darling?”, and I can point you to a long line out there.

So, how would you know whether you have one or not? This article may be able to help you to look for this spot.

You can read the entire article here and then go figure out whether you have it or not.

Two Souls Who Found Each Other Across The Cyber Space

Today as I clicked on two of my favourite blogrolls to see whats new with these two blog buddies of mine, I found that they have deleted their blogs. I have decided to retain the URL as it will always remind me of no matter how strange the circumstances are, and how far two souls started their lives, eventually they will meet somewhere in this universe.

I believe in fate.

To both of you (if and when you drop by here sometime, you know who you are), I wish both of you will find what you are looking for as the road ahead is not easy. But then if you believe in your love, it will conquer all.

I am happy for both of you.

Almost Wordless Post V Day Sunday

And I love you so

The people ask me how

How I’ve lived till now

I tell them I don’t know

I guess they understand

How lonely life has been

But life began again

The day you took my hand

And yes I know how lonely life can be

The shadows follow me

And the night won’t set me free

But I don’t let the evening get me down

Now that you’re around me

And you love me too

Your thoughts are just for me

You set my spirit free

I’m happy that you do

The book of life is brief

And once a page is read

All but love is dead

That is my belief

And yes I know how loveless life can be

The shadows follow me

And the night won’t set me free

But I don’t let the evening bring me down

Now that you’re around me

And I love you so

The people ask me how

How I’ve lived till now

I tell them I don’t know

                2008 Valentine

Happy V Day

As much as I hate to think that Valentine’s Day has always been overrated and commercialised, I still long for the days in my youth when I received all these cute cards, notes and bunches of flowers from admirers. It has been years since I received any of this, except from Lyn who would,  for every Valentine’s Day, diligently draw red hearts on her coloured paper and placing it on my pillow. I, in return would give her chocolates or would take her out for a nice dinner.

Not anymore, at least not this year. She has a boyfriend now and they have their own plans this evening. So, what is there for me to do this evening? I have no idea. No husband, no dates, and no boyfriend…

A few friends sent me Valentine’s wishes via the email, IM’s and SMS which were lovely. My special thanks goes to Mikey my Jamaican friend who sent my very first wishes. Thanks Mike! Not sure how you say it in Jamaican but I can imagine being serenaded by the beach and eating fried conch! 😉

Oh well, doesnt matter. Perhaps I would head towards Souled-Out in Hartamas, enjoy a bowl of pasta and just enjoy the evening away, just like any other evenings.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Single Mama-hood

The reality of single mama-hood had just hit me.

Hard.

Yesterday as I was rushing from the kitchen to the drying area at the back of the kitchen to feed the cats, I could hear Lyn sneezing a few times in the bathroom. Then. Quiet. Odd. I walked over to the bathroom to find her with bleeding nose. It has been a few years now since she was experiencing this nose bleeding episodes. So, I slowly guide her to her room and lay her down on the bed. Got a nice ice pack to be placed on her forehead afterwards too. 

But this means, she wont be going to school today, but I did have a very important morning appointment. It was something that I had been trying to lock in for past few weeks. There was no way that I could have missed this appointment. She looked at me calmly and said, “ Ma, I will be fine. Just go and do your work.” I looked at my baby and felt that my heart swelled.

Looks like its going to be one of those days… 

This morning, I took her to the dentist in Bangsar but couldn’t stay longer. She was brave enough to be in the treatment room all by herself today without having me being around to sooth her. By 11.00 am she text-ed me saying that her treatment was over and that everything went well. She was in the feeder bus, passing near by my office.

As I was driving towards Port Klang this afternoon, I was thinking how this single mama-hood thingy has really hit on me. Here I am raising my daughter alone, on a single income, juggling all the odd events which keep on happening almost of a daily basis. 

There are no one to look out for her should she decide to be at home in the afternoon when I have to be away for work. I realised that I so look forward to the weekends when I can have a bit of me-time to enjoy coffee without looking at the watch. Work ends about 6pm daily for 5 days and so by the time I arrive home with her, I would be so tired to think about any other things. Let alone to watch the late night news as how I was used to, or some social life in mid week. But, I am Ok with all of these somehow. No real complaints about the almost non-existance of social life. No rush too.

 10.00pm sounds like a great time to be in comatose state nowadays.

There Is Life After All

Ok.

The sound system may sound a tad crappy, the song selections may not be the latest, the DJ…well…a youth at his best, and the wine sucks. BUT, the company IS a great bunch of people. A female lawyer swaying quietly to the music at the corner end while sipping her latte, a garage owner chatting with a businessman Tengku while his lovely girlfriend making friendly talk with the bartender. Another guy who is a Media Consultant quietly sipping his drinks while observing the rest of the crowd. The girl in pink top crooning her best rendition of “Reunited”.

The rest of the group were talking, hands flying everywhere, very animated. Work jackets and briefcases all over the sofas and bar stool.

And I was there, absorbing the scene at this open karaoke lounge in a local upmarket golf club somewhere at the fringe of Kuala Lumpur.

Minutes later, there was a change of “performer”. He grabbed the mike with confidence and started his first number of “My Way” then followed by a fast “joget”. Everyone, I mean, everyone, as if on queue started to fill in the dance floor as if it was a huge festive party. They were dancing the “joget” number. One tall guy pulled a walking waitress and danced with her, much to her delight. It was funny to see her dancing with a serving tray in one hand.

The evening went on with a few numbers of Bollywood songs even. Line dancing fell in place as if queued by some kind of invincible force. I learnt a step of two with them. Stumbled upon my “inang” and “joget” moves due to out of practice.

More laughter.

Giggles.

Bows.

Claps.

Not a place to show any funny air, I thought to myself. This was more of a social gatherings. To unwind and to get to know other circle of people. New friendships developed.

To be yourself.

It’s Too Late To Apologize

Sometimes lyrics from certain songs just ring echoes in my mind, and hitting all the right spots. Amazing.

APOLOGIZE

~ Justin Timberlake 

I’m holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And Im hearing what you say
But I just can’t make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait??
You tell me that you’re sorry
Didn’t think I’d turn around and say..

That it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I’d take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that’s nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it’s turning blue
And you say
Sorry like an angel, heavens not the thing for you,
But I’m afraid

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologizes, it’s too late

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it’s too late to apologize, a yeah

I’m holding your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground…

New Day

I woke up this morning to the fresh forest air that surrounds my new place. Bubble The Cat was purring away on my small pillow, her eyes half closed. I saw the green tall trees right across the hills nearby. I pulled the comforter tighter to my body and just enjoyed the moment.

Its a new day.

And, for the first time in months, I felt good.