Doing It Again – A Rebound Relationship


So, the deed is done months back and you think you are ready for dates again, and maybe another round of romance. Or, are you, I mean, really?

How would you know that you are really ready and wont fall into the ditch of a rebound relationship? The average so-called grieving period for someone who had ended a relationship, I was told, is about a year before you actually plunge yourself into another relationship. But , really, what is the cut-off period? Is is from the actual break up, or from date of official divorce? And one year?? Come on. Who set this thing up?

Some people have become the master at hiding their emotions and inner turmoil that people actually doesnt know they are in the process of grieving over a failed relationships. They still sound the same, look the same or maybe look even better, so, what gives? The leaner and slimmer look might have been brought by losing the appetite to eat after the break up. Such a workable diet that is but not necessarily a healthy one.

A friend of mine wrote an email to me recently and he told me this – to keep check over my emotion because the first comfy shoulder to lean on will be very attractive. What wise words. 

When you have been the other half of a couple for a few good years, there are a few things that could shake you badly when the relationship ends. For instance, the loneliness might be a bit too much when the evening comes. The human interaction, physical connection and sexual release might be another area that seems to be amplified whenever you let your mind wander a little more than it should. Sometimes you need hugs whenever there is a thunderstorm or just a simple cuddle while watching the tv in the evening.

“He is more caring than my ex”, or “She understands me better than my ex”. Sounds familiar? Do you still cry whenever you hear “your song”? Feeling depressed when you eat in the same restaurant that you spent the last anniversary at?

How would you know that you are in a rebound relationship? A few things that you need to have a reality-check are these:

  • do you still feel the terrible pain and hurt, endlessly over the last failed relationship?
  • do you keep comparing and analysing the current relationship to the previous one?
  • do you have a mental block to really give “your all” in this new relationship for fear of getting hurt again?

If you have said “yes” to any of the above, then perhaps you should take it easy before committing something you might regret later on. Those regrets, as what I have witnessed, including a lady friend who decided to tie the knots three months after the ink on the divorce paper dried up, proceeded to get pregnant and then six months down the road found the marriage incompatible.

However, rebound relationships may not be all that bad. It is actually a process all together. A process to heal and be healed. To bring back the self esteem, to feel loved and wanted again. To be with oneself again. Some sort of a life discovery of new and re discovering old forgotten feelings that was buried in the depth of the old relationships.

Sometimes, you may find your self again and maybe your true love at the end. The trick is to take your time and enjoy the journey.

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7 Replies to “Doing It Again – A Rebound Relationship”

  1. Hi Hanie

    An interesting post which reminds me of many thoughts going through my mind lately. It’s so hard to know when to start again… I like your reality checklist!

  2. Lirone: interesting posts you have in your blog. “Fading images of love” reminds me so much of a phase in my own life, that seems to happen a long time ago. To heal from a break up, any break up, is a journey. You will see so many scenes along the way but with time all wounds will heal. Scars will be there no doubt, to remind you of this journey. Cant do much about it. Thats life 😉 Come back soon.

  3. Hi Hunnie just browsing i can into your blog.yes having a failed relationship is not the end of the world, its a process for us to learn more of the journey that it takes. I like this blog, it just reminds me of what i’ve gone through,but this helps me a lot to pick up the pieces..
    All the best

  4. Marivi, thanks for dropping by. At least to me a failed one doesnt really necessarily could be a death penalty or that you can or may not love again. Some might be scarred for a long time and just refuse to let go but to those who are still looking, there is a process of grieving, and picking up the pieces. Falling in love is a wonderful thing! Drop by again soon!

  5. i just had a relationship with a rebounder. we’ve just celebrated our 3rd month recently. everything was going well, i knew he was so in love with me and i love him as well. we’re planning things in the future and i thought we had it really right. we had an agreement not to talk about ex-es in the early start of the relationship, until one time the conversation went to how we started. only then i knew that when we started, he was not sure if that was the date he broke up with his ex, or a week after that. he told me things were not working out with him and his ex for a year already, and i was just the greatest thing that happened to his life. he said he had moved on. i said, how? there wasn’t a period when he grieved for his ex, between it and being with me.

    learning it was a rebound, of course i am the best thing to happen to his life, after a wretched relationship. aside from the thought of not wanting to be seen as a guy-snatcher from another relationship, i don’t think i can handle the thought of being a rebound. i let go of him, though he’s such a nice and caring man. i wouldn’t be quieted by my thoughts telling me i am a rebound, with a lot of doubts, plus the thought of thinking him so selfish that he never told me the truth before we got together, only for a good ego boost. *sigh*

  6. My freind, whom I’ve known for over 20 years and with whom there is a mutual, although unacted upon attraction, recently separated from her husband of 15 years. they have 2 children, age 5 and 12. After she moved into her new place, we started re- acquainting ourselves and talked about a future. At Valentine’s Day she gave me a card thanking me for always being there to support her and called me her “true sole mate” and was glad I felt the same. 4 weeks later she starts to drift away emotionally and physically and when I try to talk about it she avoids the subject. We have not talked since Memorial Day when she told me to F YOU, that she didn’t want or need me in her life even as a friend and to stay out of her life (after I suggested she take time to heal and undo her entanglements.). She meet a guy in early May and is now seeing him regularly and has introduced her kids to him. He still maintains an active match.com profile. Is this a rebound? Should I tell her about the match thing? (He confronted him about it 8 weeks ago and he took it down for about 3 weeks buts its been up and active again for 6 weeks.) Should I stand back and wait? Move on? Any thoughts?

  7. Hi Earl, sounds like a rebound for her and she doesnt know it, yet. The fact that she went from the separation, to rekindling the long lost romance with you, then ditch you and then, quickly found someone else, was the real telling. The fact that the other guy still maintains a Match.com profile means either he is not serious about his new reationship OR he has a certain addiction that he cannot shake. Someone in a rebound relation is always on a destructive path. Perhaps, you may want to reach out to her as a friend and reinforce that you will always be with her, as a friend. But only her can help herself and no one else. I know, it is difficult to see someone you love goes on a self damaging mode.

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