My Weekly Escapism

I have my weekly escapism by means of dancing and meeting friends over the weekend at a hotspot in Kuala Lumpur city. It is not a place for youngsters and I think the average age for customers who frequents that place is between 35 to 50. Not exactly dead and full of dinosaurs but that place will be alive the minute happy hours hit the clock, which is between 6pm to 9pm. Currently there are three bands who play interchangeably and they play great songs with equally lively actions. Drinks, food and services are great. You meet friendly, familiar faces whom you know you can grab by the hands when you feel like dancing to a song.

All and all, I am acquainted with four ladies who are well into their mid to late thirties and we click almost instantly. These ladies would come alone and leave, well, alone. Just like me. They are so full of life, chatty, intelligent, and we have a few things in common. We are all single mothers who are just out and about in the city seeking for a respite from every day living and basically this outing is sort of a way as and escapism from it all. Six days a week we live and breath as the devoted mom and office worker and it does make sense to enjoy a little bit of life once in a week. I think this is fair for the sake of sanity. We compare notes about our teenagers and how we juggle our lives between motherhood and being a woman. It is amazing to see how the others lead a more or less of a similar headache and heartache and joy raising up children on our own. We exchanged pictures of our children (and cats too). Ms I has 3 children. The eldest is 16 years old and the youngest is 11. She has trained all the children to be able to cook and to look out for each other. Living all the way in Kajang means it will take her an average of 45 minutes drive to the city for her weekly escapism. Ms E has 2 children. Her son is 18, and the second a girl, who is 15. She travels from Cheras which is quite a distant from the city too.

My new place itself is a good 30 minutes away from the city centre but I don’t mind driving all the way.

I think it was all worth it.

A Meaningful Specific

“Cheshire Puss, ” Alice went on, “would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here?”

 “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

“I dont much care where….”, said Alice.

“Then, it doesnt matter which way you walk,” said the Cat.

Alice In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll, 1865

As I’ve Matured…

As Ive matured…

 

Ive learnt that you cannot make someone love you.

All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..

Ive learnt that one good turn gets most of the blankets

Ive learnt that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses

Ive learnt that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it

Ive learnt that whatever hits the fan, will not evenly be distributed

Ive learnt that you shouldnt compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up than you think

Ive learnt that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Ive learnt is not what you wear, its how you take it off…(hehe..)

Ive learnt that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’ve finished

Ive learnt to not sweat the petty stuff, and not pet the petty stuff

Ive learnt that ex’s are like fungus, they keep on coming back

Ive learnt that age is a high price to pay for maturity

Ive learnt that I dont suffer from insanity. I enjoy it.

Ive learnt that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities

Ive learnt that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

Ive learnt that 99% of the time when something isnt working in your house, one of your kids did it.

Ive learnt that there is a fine line between genius and insanity

Ive learnt that the people you care the most about in life are taken from you too soon

And all the less important ones just never go away

And…the real pains in the ass are permanent…. 

 

Many thanks to my friend, Mikey of Jamaica for sending me this.

If You Love Someone

If you love someone…

 

THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free…
If it comes back, it’s yours,
If it doesn’t, it never was yours…

 

THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Don’t ever set them free.

 THE PSYCHOLOGIST’S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set them free…
If they come back, their super ego is dominant,
If they don’t come back, their id is supreme,
If they don’t go, they must be crazy.

THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set them free…
If they come back, they have brand loyalty
If they don’t, reposition the brand in new markets.

THE HOUSEWIFE VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free…
If it doesn’t move, then you either gave birth to it or you married it.

Today’s Lesson In Life (And Love)

As a person who is in human resources development, there is one particular major lesson that I learnt which can be applied in our personal lives and beyond that, applicable for love lives as well.

See whether you can understand this phrase:

Zero plus Zero equals to Zero

Defining That Relationship

A friend related how she befriended a man not too long ago. Things were going extremely well. Neither party were looking for any serious relationships or seeing anyone else. They see each other a couple of times in a week for nice dinners, watching dvds, banter about the current political and economic situation. He sometimes cooks for her as well, complete with candles and proper china. The bedroom scenes, it seemed, sizzled like nobody’s business.

So, whats wrong with the relationship?

My friend, as far as I know her from decades ago has always been someone who is full of life and always optimistic. She is also emotionally strong and independant. She loves nothing more than a good companion to share her passion in a lot of things and has no qualm of sharing her outlook of life. The man has been divorced from his wife for many years now and have been living alone as well. Equally strong minded, funny and articulate. However, the man never asked her about her past, her life. She badly wants to share her thoughts about her work, some glimpses of past life and so forth.

He didnt want to know all these and he said so one evening. He only wants to talk about things in general. She was taken aback.

Well…I was taken aback too. And this make me stop and think for a while.

Now, I have always think that any friendship (and not necessarily that will lead to serious romantic relationship) is based on a lot of platforms – mutual attraction, compatibilities among other things. And knowing what is the make up of the other person will lend the friendship more depth and meaning, albeit only on short glimpses. What a person has gone through in life is what makes the person right now. All the nicks, scars and laugh lines are the things that have shaped the person you are befriending.

So, how can you not want to know, unless of course he thinks that there is no real meaning to the relationship but a good regular, clean weekly booty call for him?

Hmm..

The X Communication

Whether you like it or not, youve got to admit it, no matter what you do, no matter where you go, no matter how you go about, as long as you have children in tow after a divorce, you still need to communicate with your ex.

It may not be so pleasant conversation about monthly maintenance or asking him about the insurance policy, even updating your kid’s exam results via the email.

It is like maintaining two separate household (it is) but with a certain focus that seems weird because a few things are still tied together. For instance mobile phone bills, priviledge cards, insurance, banking stuff, checking books… that used to be under joint accounts.

I know there are certain ex’s who are good at maintaining a relationship and they sometime even become great friends thereafter. I am envious of those who are like this. Sure, the communication with the ex has been somewhat okay, civilised even but thats it. I will not even want to go further than that description.

Blessed

Its a holiday today in Malaysia due to Maulidul Rasul. We didnt go out in the morning but just stayed at home. Lyn had her friend Alif over and they decided to hit the pool a little later.

I was sitting on the rocking chair just intently looking out at the trees on the hills when I thougt how lucky I am than some people out there. So, here I am making a list of the things that I am thankful for….

  • I have my daughter with me as much as I did for the past 17 years.
  • We have roof on our head and food on the table. Eventhough the lifestyle has changed so much but still we have these. Some people have only the open sky and the cold concrete as their homes…
  • That as much as our lives were different before this but God has provide us with mental strength to carry on
  • Health – we have never been really sick till the  need to be hospitalised
  • Brain – the only thing left that really works well nowadays..lol..and something that keeps me going..
  • Friends who I can call anytime in case of emergencies and help. Some have drifted apart as they saw the changed lifestyle… but there are those who stay because they are real friends.
  • Family- the newly found bond between families far and wide has given me new meaning in life and the strength to carry on
  • My cats- they are like a very part of my family and life. They give me fun, pleasure and a calm sense when I come back home after a long day. Yes they are cats and cats are generally selfish creatures but still, when I have Rexton or Bubble, or Comel or any one of them come snuggling, all else doesnt matter anymore…
  • God – There were several times in my life that I felt that Ive lost it – sense of direction and hopelessness and needed a sense of focus. I turn to God everytime. Call it spiritual calling whatsoever but it does help for me to get back in focus and a sense of calmness when I do this.
  • No war in Malaysia – sure there are the occassional rifts in the political scenes and the oh-so-rare street demos but I can still walk in the streets of Kuala Lumpur at 3.00am to look for nasi lemak and my teh tarik.
  • No natural catastophe – the last tsunami was an exception but then Malaysia doesnt have earthquake or twisters or anything else that make every household build bunkers underneath their houses.

 Just some stuff that goes through my head…

Poly Life

Ok, I admit it.

I have been a lurker for past few weeks in a few blogs posted by polyamorous living people/couples of out of curiosity. And, until todate, I cannot comprehend and digest the way of life these people are living.

Call it selfish but I cannot and will not share my life and my partner with some other people. The thought of my partner having sex with someone else and me being sooooo okay with it is just too much for me to bring into the picture. The thought of him being soooooo okay with me boinking another guy is also not okay. Okay? Those intimate stuff are only meant for me and him, and noone elses.

I read with sickness in my gut how a wife actually helped the husband making out with his girlfriend, and she feeling so left out in the act. By  the way, did I also mentioned that she was all the while sitting in between his legs while the girlfriend moaned and bounced on his yahoo? Each blog gets more depressing and more depressing as if they are like a cry for help.

First and foremost, unless you are into three-some or whatchamacallit fetish, I dont see any reason why on earth :

a) she should be helping them both

b) how the husband can be sooooo ignorant of his wife’s feelings

Some of you may say that it is ok to lead this kind of life as it doesnt encourage cheating in that primary relationship so it doesnt constitute cheating. Huh? Some of you may also argue that in certain religion such as Islam it actually encourages polygamy as to curb wandering spouses (i.e. husbands). Ok, fine, argument heard.

But, it never says anywhere that the primary partners should also be subjected to humiliations, pain, heart break, jealousy and all those feelings which are supposedly normal feelings in a relationship.

I will feel a jealousy pang if (when I have a partner) my partner have some sexual arousal when thinking or even looking at other females. Is this because I am repressed of my feelings? Nope. Am I not being a confident woman? Nope. Am I feeling inadequate? Nope. Infact so far, touch wood, no complaint in that err…department but I digress. Am I being possesive. Yes. I am possesive over my books, my cats, my house, my car, my laptop but all in different level of possessiveness. He can fantasise all he wants but should just stop there – in his brain. If he cant handle his sexual needs and need more than only me to satisfy this, then he doesnt deserve to be in my life.

There was once when my ex (then husband) and I were into our first year of marriage life. We talked about scenarios how I would handle the situation if he takes second (or third or fourth) wife. I told him that his rights as a husband to complete the corum has been provided for in the religion and he can do so if he wishes.

But I also told him, I will take myself out from the equation so as not to complicate matters.

Fast forward 17 years in 2007, I found myself doing exactly that – taking myself out from the equation so as not to complicate matters. I did exactly what I had said , and never regretted it.

Life is complicated enough than me having to address an orgy issue in a bedroom.