Nearness Of The Beloved One

Nähe des Geliebten Nearness of the
Beloved One
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Translation by Hyde Flippo


Ich denke dein,
    wenn mir der Sonne schimmer
I think of you,
    when I see the sun’s shimmer
Vom Meere strahlt; Gleaming from the sea.
Ich denke dein,
    wenn sich des Mondes Flimmer
I think of you,
    when the moon’s glimmer
In Quellen malt. Is reflected in the springs.
Ich sehe dich,
    wenn auf dem fernen Wege
I see you,
    when on the distant road
Der Staub sich hebt, The dust rises,
In tiefer Nacht,
    wenn auf dem schmalen Stege
In deep night,
    when on the narrow bridge
Der Wandrer bebt. The traveler trembles.
Ich höre dich,
    wenn dort mit dumpfem Rauschen
I hear you,
    when with a dull roar
Die Welle steigt. The wave surges.
Im stillen Haine geh’ ich oft zu lauschen, In the quiet grove I often go to listen
Wenn alles schweigt. When all is silent.
Ich bin bei dir,
    du seist auch noch so ferne,
I am with you,
    however far away you may be,
Du bist mir nah! You are next to me!
Die Sonne sinkt,
    bald leuchten mir die Sterne.
The sun is setting,
    soon the stars will shine upon me.
O wärst du da! If only you were here!
J.W. von Goethe
From the German



The Dreaded Cold Bug

The symphtoms were all there – headaches, sneezing, blocked nose and general crankiness.

Yeap, the cold bug has finally landed in me and boy, do I hate this. Oh, did I also mention that I talk in my sleep whenever I am down with fever. I hope The Teenager doesnt read this or she would be on standby mode by my bed with a tape recorder.

Sorry, no further posting till I get rid of this thing in a few days time. Hopefully with enough rest and TLC, I’d recover for the weekend.

Massacre In China

Looks like the China officials are preening the city for the upcoming Olympics. I am surprised at the lack of publicity in the mass media over this massacre. Could it be that these people think the lives of animals are worthless that they do not deserve a mention in any of the newspapers? The internet being a borderless medium for spreading news like this has yet again, become one of the main sources for info dissemination for cruel act like this.

A link for reading on this is here.

If you can find some compassion in your heart, please take a moment to sign a petition against this cruelty.


The linkto the petition is here.

The Malays

I have a foreign friend who has been residing in Malaysia for the past 20 odd years. Each time we spoke, we would talk about the local culture and racial issues which are perversely still felt in so many ways in the society in Malaysia. In specific, the Malays.

I began to wonder how can this be so badly reflected to a foreigner when all these time I felt that enough efforts were being made to show racial tolerance are thriving in this country. Has the Malay culture deteoriates so badly for the past decades that it doesnt carry so much values anymore? At one point of time, I brought him around to meet some Malay friends so that he can see that not all values are lost with the progression of the modern world. The circle of friends I have are varied but this particular few are forward thinking and yet still retaining that Malay values and culture, and thats exactly what I wanted to share with him.

So where does the current Malay society gone wrong in building up their reputation? You see the majority of the Mat Rempits doing wheelies along Jalan Parlimen on Saturday nights are Malay youth. The police who drag a group of drug addicts down from their Black Maria to the court house are mostly Malays. Wife beaters who made headlines in the local newspapers are Malays. The child abuser couple that was being sentenced are Malay couples. The Businessman who appeared in court for CBT is a Malay guy who came back from the Haj.

I dont blame him for seeing all the negativity of the current Malay society, because they surround him whereever he goes.

I hope that in time, he will be able to see that there are good progression in the Malays which will not made any bad headlines as being the non-progressive society of Malaysia.

In good time.

Is This What I Want?

Ok, so, moi being a 39 year old last Sunday feels that it is high time to do a little bit extra thinking about what I want in short term, mid term and long term. Not that I havent done it before but I guess this time around these things need a little extra time to decide with a more firmer decision.

I guess for the last many, many months when things have gone a bit settled from my previous life, I have concluded that I have found a new life again. Starting everything (well, almost everything) from a clean slate makes things easier in perspective. There are still baggages no doubt but not so many that may cripple my daily life.

There are a few decisions that I make have to make in the next few days, weeks and months. I think most singles, especially single moms and dads out there will definitely have drawn out at least something that resembles a planning like mine. A few things that may make all the differences in single moms and dads are, perhaps will look like follows:

  1. The children – stuff that will make every single moms and dads having sleepless nights. As much as they have love/hate or hate/hate relationships with the exes, I believe the special bonding with the children can never be compromised in any way possible as they are your responsibilities the minute they enter the world, through your action 9 months before that. I spent a good deal thinking how I could raise Lyn is a better environment, better education. I also dont want her to be shackled with perceptions thrown in by some of the ex in-laws who had nothing better to do than telling her that it was her fault her daddy had a heart attack. These are the very same people who wanted her to live with them so that she could be in a “better environment”. I wish I could shield her from all of these spiteful, toxic adults (of which I have managed to, so far) forever, but knowing the fact that I cant, just tear me to pieces each time I think of it.
  2. Career – the fact that I was a business owner for decades and for reasons only I know and wish to keep, at least for the moment, and have decided to enter into the working environment again left me with so much to ponder about financial issues. Somehow, I know that, I may have to really push myself again, knowing that I am now mentally more prepared to face the challenges that the business world are giving out. And hopefully, I may reap the reward as how it was.
  3. Love life – what can I say? Life alone is what it is – alone.  I am definitely pretty happy with the alone-time I have. This means I am not conforming to other people’s expectations on what to wear (or not wear) while doing the dishes, or laundry, or give a hoot whether I decide to snooze at 3pm on a Saturday. It has been colourful enough but I think it would add to the colours if I can share it with someone. And that comes to the next issue – can I compromise another person in my life now that I am contented with myself. A relationship needs to be built with love and trust and with time, it cannot be forced. Thats what a friend said to me recently. I am really in no hurry to re marry but somehow I do believe that I should have (when there is) a more substance in a friendship so that I know which direction I should be taking. To see whether is this person is worth the investment in time so that I can make my decision within a span of say….3 months?

I honestly dont know the answer.


The Heart Attack

My ex husband had a heart attack at about 2.30am last Thursday morning and is now being stabilised in ICU and waiting for a proper date for angio. Not a fantastic sign considering that he just celebrated his 44th birthday early April 2008. Lyn promptly flew in the next day together with his side of the family to be with him.

On that early morning, he called his friend to pick him up for hospital. Then, the next phone call went to his daughter. I remember being awaken from my sleep by my crying teenager, ears still glued to her mobile with her daddy. Her tears were rolling down and with desperate voice begging him not to leave her.

Funny when you feel death is so close but a heartbeat, knowing that you can just die in a matter of moment, you tend to do reflect – a lot.

My dad passed away about 6 years ago, also in April. He died in his car while being driven to the hospital.  I remember the late night phone call from a cousin who told me to go back to the kampung and visit my dad. I was a bit upset when he began to sound persistant and he finally told me that he was in the car to hospital with another cousin who was driving.

All of a sudden, the mobile phone went dead as it passed through a no-coverage area. I frantically called him back. Three minutes passed. Eventually, it could have been my umpteenth call during the 5 minutes and I managed to get through.

I heard him crying. My dad breathed his last breath in between the line drop and the next phone call.

I collapsed by the phone, oblivious to my surroundings. My ears registered nothing but some loud thumping of my heart.

At the Muslim grave compound – I walked behind my daughter so slowly, and stood at the edge of the burial plot. I saw his body being lowered down to meet his Maker, and with a deep sense knowing that I would never see my dad again.

I dont have so much of emotional issues anymore with my ex and I sincerely hope that he will recover, for the sake of my daughter, and not for anything else. He had, in a way, left her to face her challenging teenage years with me, and has not been there for her when she needed a hug or words of encouragement or even skin contact with her daddy.

As for me, all the 24 years of memories with him seemed to dissipate away and all what was left a sense of empathy and a wishful prayer for him to get well. A sense of nostalgic love from someone who had loved him with her life.

Biology Class

The Erecterius Trouserius or The Trouser Snake is the world’s most dangerous snake. Colour varies from pink to black. It is fangless.

It’s highly venomous spit can cause prolonged swelling lasting 9 months. Average length is about 3 to 9 inches, depending on sub species.

Usually appears in bedrooms but found in unusual places at times. Attacks women in the lower abdomen area. It has also been known to attack men from behind.



Thanks to my office mate – S – here I am clanking away today’s biology class notes with a wide grin on my face. lol.

Check List

To all the singles out there who are looking for a partner, I have a question for you. A very important question. It seems like a mindless silly question but needed to be asked.  Do you have a check list of what would be the ideal person that you are looking for to share your life with? If you do, how does that check list looks like? Is it long with ten gadzillion boxes to tick? Or it could be a simple one box that says – “as long as he makes me happy”. Which, makes all else pale because you either tick it or leave it blank.

Moving on the same topic. Do you have a treshold that basically “tells” you either you should go all out and give a chance to develop into something more or you just move along because “it feels right” at that time? Or, does this treshold will tell you, if you dont have at least half of the checklist ticked, then you should go out and cut out your losses.

I look forward to some feedbacks.