Dating Single Mom 101


My friend, Anita wrote a great piece about how single mom sometime have the hesitation to go out to date again and feels that they have to wait till the children grow up. Thats a bit tough when you have young kids. It feels as if its almost a life time to wait for your date! Most of my blogger friends have young children and its pretty fascinating to learn how they juggle their time to squeeze those dates or sexy times in between those nappy change, playskul, work or fever downtime.

Now, what if that single mom has teenagers?

Knowing for a fact that you cannot hide a lot of things anymore from them unlike when they were younger, all these can get pretty tricky especially when you want to have some quiet time.

Some men never had the experience in dating single moms . This is an entirely different ballgame altogether. Unlike dating real singles, single moms’ time are mostly centred around their children, doesnt matter at what stage or age their children are.  Lyn who is coming to 17 this October has a few thoughts of her own about the dating scenes, especially so when it comes to her mama…

A few wise words to those men out there who feel up to the challenge of dating single mom:

1) Remember – most of your girl’s time doesnt belong to them. It belongs to her children. Feel free not to be offended when you know there are is a 4’10”, 40kg, 15 year old kid who will win her time for anything, anytime, at all.

2) Be prepared to be rushed through a dinner, or worse still, to be left at the dinner table simply because her teenager couldnt get the movie ticket she wanted and now has no transport to go back home, alone.

3) That picking up the mobile during a preclusion of a hot date is totally necessary. And, forgiveable. You might never know when you have to drive your single mom date to the police station to pick her daughter who might have been picked up while riding pillon with a friend who has no license.

4) Single moms’ lives with teenagers revolve their universe around the children. Dig this well. They could be fixing a day and time for you but the minute the teenager’s evening Maths tuition class is cancelled because of the rain, all plans are out of the window.

5) Family meals are sacred to single moms and their teenagers. More sacred than your evening walk in the park, holding hands under the stars with their mom. When the teenager says, “Mom, I really like having dinner with you tonite instead of going to Aunt Agnes’s house…”, and she said this just 2 hours away from YOUR dinner with her mom, accept this with graciousness instead of some sarcastic remark, “Oh, so now your teenager rules you.” Single mamas are sensitive and you can see yourself being shown the door, or lack of it, faster than you can spell “date”, and not see her anymore. Ever.

Trust me, your graciousness will be rewarded multiple times when the right times come along.

6)  Remember, teenagers have a mind of their own and not necessarily congruent with the rest of the family either. Thats why they paint their nails black, have their hair cropped and chopped, and then highlighted with pink. But, they are also smart and know-all. They can smell you and your bad intentions. Leave your “player” attitude at home, far away. Their moms may like you but her opinion doesnt really matter now.

7) You cannot compete with their dads. Period. So, you can smell better, have the walls to your condo covered with degrees than you can count, make better money or drive better car. The fact remains that their dads are always better than you. Try different angle to win their hearts. Learn of their interests. Do they swim? Outdoor activities? Does the teenage girl loves pinkish stuff bears? Does the 16 year old boy likes gadget stuff? Small things like these matters. Shows that you care for them as well as you of their mama.

8) Do not be too touchy, feely infront of them. Unless of course the relationship has been going on for a while and you know you have been accepted by the entire troup. Teenagers have weird ways to show their disapproval of these sorts of behaviour. They lack understanding that their mamas are human beings too. A woman. To them a mama, is that. A mama. And should behave like one. Leave your sticky fingers till later.

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10 Replies to “Dating Single Mom 101”

  1. I’ve been a single mother for a very long time and never dated.

    Sounds like you have it all together.

    Good Advice–Have a Great Day!

    🙂

  2. Spunkylady: welcome to my place! So, how old are your children now? And why didnt you go out for dates? I found that the term “dates” can bring a lot of pressure when you go out so instead I call them “outings”. It definitely takes out all the expectations from a date and it becomes what it is – outings – where you can just enjoy the moment, food, drinks, the company and so forth.

  3. Anita, I was inspired by you no less 😉 Dating (outing) scenes as single moms are pretty tricky. I would love to hear from your own experiences as well.

  4. Hello Hanie. I found your site through a WordPress link through my WordPress blog as I posted the Rough Guide to Single Moms in my WordPress blog. Not all single men can handle dating a single moms. Perhaps single moms should go for single dads or men who have been a dad in the past and their children already grown up because of their experience.

    Your guide is interesting for dating single moms as I’ve dated single moms in the past. Anyways, you may post a comment if you wish at my blog at http://ggjake.wordpress.com I wish all single moms well raising their kids on their own.

    Jake

  5. Hey Jake, I dropped by at your place but promise to stay a bit longer and look around 😉 Actually, when I wrote this piece I was reflecting on my own little experiences dating “real” single men or single dads or men who have been a dad at one point of their lives. Unfortunately, I found that in majority of these men doesnt really reflect the fact that it CAN be tricky dating single moms eventhough they are single dads themselves. One guy who is a single dad with 3 children – 2 in the 20s and one late teenage – got upset with me when Lyn called me to check where I was. Of course this didnt go down well with me. Another with a teenager with the same age as Lyn (shes 17) has issues whenever I have to leave early to pick her up. His excuse was that he had a maid to take care of his daughter. Surprisingly enough, the truly single men were more open to suddden changes in plans. I cannot understand the non empathy from all these dads!

  6. to any one concerned, my name is as mentioned above and am looking for love. any suitable response will be highly appriciated

  7. Very interesting post and topic.

    We have the many single mums, ‘single dads’ hasn’t really taken off here yet, when babies come and new sexy girl passes by in street man can be gone, its common, maybe our new President will pass a law or something !

    So our girls dont meet too many ‘single dads’, just dads, or bettter way to say is biological child producers.

    I like your Blog.

    Sincerely,

    Marina – Ukraine.

    http://marinademchuck.wordpress.com

  8. This is good advise for me, my kids are not teenager yet, but almost there.
    I go out with my date once a week, your article gives me something to think about down the road. Thanks!

  9. Glad you dropped by, Mei Mei. Yeap it is tricky when you are a single mom/dad and wants to go out for dates. It is good to understand not to lose our sights/priorities when we go out on dates like these. Sometimes we get too excited with the prospect of the dates that we forget…..btw kool blog you have. I will drop by often!

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