What Are The Things That Make My Diet Go Busted

Ahem…I am, today, declaring that my so-called diet had gone bust due to my weakening will at refusing comfort food. Blame it on work stress and adding on to that my so called no-social life of late, suddenly the thought of enjoying food reared its head after a long hiatus.

Yea…

• Cheesecake.- I mean, come on. Who can resist a fantastic, creamy, yummy-to-tummy looking cheesecake?
• Beef burgers – no, not the gourmet kind that I lurrrvvvvve from Etoile of Equatorial Hotel, its the Ramli burger kind. Double special with cheese. Priced at about RM4.30 with all the full flare of veges, beef patties and enough sauces and mustard to blow you to the moon, I will be happy tucking this for dinner.
• Nasi lemak bungkus – I really like the one where this Abang sells his version of nasi lemak bungkus (wrapped nasi lemak ) at the Indo Mee Square in SS2. Sells for RM1.20 per pack, its worth your money. Adding on a piece of his sambal chicken for another RM3.00/piece to this sinfully delicious and aromatic meal, and I will be one happy gal.
• French toast with vanilla ice cream – ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh to die for and dont mind me for saying – this is about the ultimate sexy food. Ever. Close to orgasm. Better still if theres a glob of peanut butter sandwiched in between…….
• Cafe latte – It is said that coffee may be good for people who leads a fairly active lifestyle but may not be so for those who do their exercise surfing the channels while playing comatose on the couch. It will lead chronic insulin resistance to the body. Coming back home by 9.30pm everyday makes me want to think nothing but crawl in bed instead of sweating it out at the gym. I guess the only compensation I have is a few hours of walk and gym on Saturday mornings.
• Mee goreng….I like the mamak mee goreng done quite wet. Supper is not the same without mee goreng mamak and teh tarik halia.
• Teh tarik halia –

Okay, enough of airing the laundry for today. Lets look for the frappe..mm

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Crematorium Experience

I have never stepped into a crematorium in my life.

Except, I guess, you just have to experience everything once in your life? So, yesterday, I did.

The office mates and I went to pay our last respect to a passing relative of one of the bosses yesterday. I have been to a few Chinese funerals before but have never actually gone up to the extend of going either to the burial ground or the crematorium. 2pm, the cortege left the house and we all bundled up into the car to follow the procession.

Arriving at the crematorium, I parked the car and we all walked into the waiting parlour. Looking a lot like a mini muhibbah group (me the Malay Muslim, Ms J a Catholic Chinese and Mr S and his GF are Indian) we grouped behind the deceased relatives, looking towards the casket which was placed at one entrance heading towards where the furnaces were.

Now, blame this on all the Hollywood movies that you have ever seen. I had a thinking that the relatives will do all the prayers,  then the casket will be wheeled in and later placed into the furnace when everyone else goes home.

Wrong.

After the chants from the Sri Lankan monks and followed by a further short prayers, the handlers pushed the casket through the entrance, straight into the furnace. All the relatives followed behind and obviously me and the rest of mates who at this time were so curious of what was going on tailed behind.

The next thing I knew, I saw the handler pushed a button at the side of the furnace and ROOOAAAAAAARRRR!! The loudest burning, roaring sound came out from the now-fiery furnace and I could feel the heat all the way hitting my face and body even when we were standing quite a distance! I saw huge flames engulfing the casket and everyone was offering their last silent prayers.

I stood there, awed. A deep sense of confusion and other unexplained feelings engulfed me. I stood there knowing there was a body inside there who used to be just like me – living, breathing, with soul and feelings, needs and wants.

We went home right after.

I dropped the mates off later on and drove home in silence still trying to comprehend the feelings I had. Caught in my thinking how life is. Now here you are still standing and the next moment, you are gone. You are just a pile of ash.

That evening I stood by my bedroom window looking out to the forests on the hills nearby. I could hear the callings of the wild birds and perhaps a monkey or two, the crickets were singing somewhere in the bushes. The yellow moon was peeking out in between the shadows of the trees. The night was beautiful with gentle breeze.

I thought of my dad who passed away 6 years ago. And of the lady whom we paid the last respect for just hours earlier.

They could not have enjoyed the evening as I was as they were not here anymore.

Men’s (And Women)’s Sins

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, ‘You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, ‘Yes!’ And Woman said, ‘I’ll have one too with chocolate chips’. And so they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, ‘Try my fresh green salad’. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said ‘I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them’.

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said ‘You want fries with that?’ and Man replied, ‘Yes, and super size ‘em’. And Satan said, ‘It is good.’ And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed ……… and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then ………… Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Send this to at least 14 friends in the next 60 minutes to receive absolutely nothing back and something good may not happen, but may, or then again may not, but who cares, cos it’s funny

Here endeth the Lesson.

 

Lipsticks + High Heels = Rape?

I read with amusement and awe about how Kota Bahru’s municipal latest ban for the Muslim women’s employees not to wear lispticks and high heels which made a “tapping sound”. This, apparently to prevent incidents such as rape and illicit sex.

Read this amusing piece here.

Can these people explain the following:

• How a 13 month old baby in a small district was raped by 2 grown men and left to die?
• How a 9 year old girl, also somewhere in a small district was raped by a young man, had a 3 feet wood sticked to her anus, had her head bashed and left to die.
• A 15 year old girl was raped and murdered by 5 men and set her on fire. 
• Molest and rape case of a teenager by a bogus medium
• A father jailed for 45 years for raping and sodomizing his own underaged daughter.

I could go on and on and on about all of these sick rape cases happened in Malaysia, and if you had bother to notice, most are underaged. They are mere children who doesnt even know what sex is. By adding on the perception that women are responsible for men’s evil deeds are just a whole load of fucxxxg BS as fas as I can tell. Because men are adult enough to be responsible for their actions and thinking and social responsibilities.

Just because you are hungry you blame other people for not feeding you? Just because you are deprived of your sick sexual hunger, you blame other people for “persuading” you to do your evil deeds?

Lipsticks and high heels are not the main reason why people have illicit sex or invite rape.

Tell that to the parents whose children being raped and killed and they will tell you one thing or two that it wasnt the lipsticks and the high heels their children wore.

I know. I was a victim. And I sure wasnt wearing lipsticks and high heels too at 7 years of age.

The Cool And The Not So Cool Stuff

Armpit sniffer gets jail in Singapore.

Ok, so not cool.

Ever seen or think what other people are doing and ponder how uncool/cool that person can be? I mean, sure, I have my own kinks of stuff that I wont show to mom or anyone else for that matter, but you know, sometimes, you just cant help BUT think of the followings:

Cool stuff

• Someone opens the door for you.
• The KFC staff smiles at you while you and your kid count downs the endless top-ups (side dishes)
• Someone waves a thank you when you give way to his car, on a hot day, right in the centre of horrible-route of Jalan Sultan Ismail, Kuala Lumpur city
• Your mechanic gives you 30% discount on quoted charges AND replaced your break lights for free
• Your mechanic sends your car for washing, for free.
• Your guy smells nice, all over. mmm……
• Your guy remembers the rubbers, your fav kind 😉
• The receptionist/operator of a company greets you cheerfully on the phone, on Monday morning

 

The Not So Cool Stuff!

• You carry all these bags through the door and the bunch of men just simply look at you as if you can w ill the door to open by itself. Sure, I can always put down the bags and open the door myself but isnt chivalry is still alive?
• The Salesgirl in a boutique looks at you up and down and walks away. So Pretty Woman-esque situation.
• Someone pushes through his car in between the lanes without giving out any signals, and have the cheek to give you the dirty look.
• The guy youve been eyeing across the room sashays towards you and..you could smell his BO stinking high to heavens.
• A guy who is exactly like my header – he got jailed for sniffing pits. Ewwww……

 

Wanna See Whats Goes In My Spam Box?

As the title suggests, here are some of the garbages that goes in my spam box…..

• Your length and girth are astronomical
• Legendary tales of your sausage
• Do you want to enlarge your penis?
• Nothing beats a huge stick
• Unleash your fury
• Urgent transfer assistance (Nigerian scam, what else…)
• Be the master of the bed
• Your package is set to grow
• Make love in Jamaica with our singles
• And..of course the endless viagra pills ad..

Now, I neither have a dick nor do I want to make love in Jamaica with any singles, what are these people thinking? How do I explain to these people that the blue pills will not give me any erection as theres none to be “erected”?

The “transfer of fund assistance” will come in on daily basis and the writer will come in all sorts of names and the amount quoted will be sinfully be more than my digits could count.

Anyways, happy spam zapping, people! Ive just cleared mine!

How Many Condoms Do You Need In A Month?

I read with amusement about a news in msnbc.com how a US research base in Antartica had received their one year supply of condoms totalling to 16,500 for the usage of the 125 scientists and staff who are based there.

Rough calculation, that makes each person receives about 132 packets of rubbers, that turns out to be about 11 packets per month.

11 packets per month? Only? Unless you recycle them after each use OR you go celibate on most days, I cannot fanthom the consequences if you are on the “active” side.

Oh well, maybe you can just sauter to next bunker, and instead of borrowing a cup of sugar, you might say, ” Do you have extra pack that you can give me? I’d like the purple, studded one if you please? ”

Yea…

Are You Contented?

A friend who is a Trainer in the corporate world has written something about the Starbucks Generation. The first time Ive heard of this term was when talking to him in my office recently and what can I say? I must agree with his definition.

But, what is so glaring about this Starbucks Generation is this: as much as how they have become the successful individuals in their careers, carrying the latest gadgets in their pockets, always so connected to their Blackberries as if Siamese twins, platinum cards and driving their convertible Beemers around town, most, are not really contented with their lives.

Somehow, they feel that there is a void deep down in themselves, but they just dont know what it is.

Ive talked to a friend recently. He owns a succesful fashion house in Sydney, jetsetting everywhere to attend to his clients. No hesitation to buy anything he fancies at a drop of a hat. No lack of women too by his side. “So, what gives?” I asked. He doesnt know.

Another friend who rubs shoulders with the creme de la creme due to his work as an Aeronautical Consultant feels that all of the modern gadgets make him lose touch with the real world. There is lack of real communication in a true sense as almost everyone is connected via text messenging, emails etc. “There is only an artificial sense of warmth”, he said, “and will lose it the minute you off the gadget.”

The question I want to as you today is this: are you contented? What sort of life that you want to have in order for you to feel contented with life? Is connected with the rest of the human species through all these means give you the feeling of freedom and enchantment, or does simple pleasures in life does? To what extend does all these worldly gadgets give you the feeling of euphoria knowing very well that the same gadgets are actually controlling your lives?

17 And Trapped In A Soon-To-Be Arranged Marriage

Over my usual late teh tarik last night with my teenager, she told me of her friend, K who ran away with his girfriend recently, that they will be married after the girl’s final SPM end of this year. I am not quite sure what is the local statistics of arranged marriage for young people in the country but I do know that the percentage of divorce rates for Malays who got married in their young age has increased significantly for the last few years.

I probed deeper the reasons these two are getting married and my teenager said that both sides of the parents have agreed to this arrangement. It seems that the girl’s parents have deemed her “spoilt” and thus it is apt enough for her to be married off to the boy who did her. As for the boy’s side, in their mind, this arranged marriage with the girl will curb his naughty ways.

I like to look from a different perspective on this issue. Not necessarily from religious point of view as every religion will eventually preach you on sex before marriage. No, you will get that from everyone else. I am thinking of how these two will have to brave the world, in all their young ages and not even equipped to even fend for themselves. What sort of life would this marriage will bring to these two?

The boy is hardly a man himself and considered not so “up there” academically. He failed in his last SPM results and is now jobless. I have a term for this phase – “he cant even pee straight yet” phase, which is true. How can he be in a committed marriage like this, a partnership that even he cant understand and hes being thrown into a situation where he doesnt even know where he is heading?

Could the girl’s parents decided to throw her into this situation as to “saving face” because now she has become “a spoilt good” and that she has no value as a person? As a minor who is hardly 17, she cant even vote yet, cant even make a proper decision for even herself and her family is practically putting her in a situation where eventually, I feel, as if washing their hands and turning away from the real issues.

Saving face is pretty much part of being an Asian but here we are talking about the future of two teenagers who just did what teenagers do.

Dont the parents have some concious as well as these two are their own products?

Internet Scam

A friend, lets call him Mr E, a great guy who has two lovely children and has a great job to boot, had been duped to part with his hard earned money of USD21,000.00 by one of these tricksters. I am not quite sure whether he would ever see his money again and I really feel sorry for him. Having said this, I always think always to err on the side when “you think its good to be true, then its probably is!”

There were numerous articles written about these scammers. They go by various labels such as Nigerian scam, Advance Fee Fraud, Scam 419 and so forth. There are a number of good links to information on this scam:

• Crimes Of Persuasian
• 419 Eater

What makes smart people fall into this scam? Some of the victims are not just the elders or retirees but also lawyers, doctors, businessmen, military men, bored housewives….perhaps the allure of earning quick, easy money was the main motivation and all best judgment just got thrown off out of the window.

I mean, come one..first, lets look at the anatomy of the email/fax/online message you received? Dont you think its weird that they found you through reputable business sites? What business site? That someone had actually vouched your credibility to this sender? All of them are telling you that they will want to invest the ill-gained money in your country. I always tell these people – sure, come on over and invest those hell lot of money in my curry flavoured condom factory!

Now, beyond this, I have also known a few cases that sprouted out from online internet dating sites as well. A friend was almost duped by a sweet, young 21 year old au pair who travelled from Ireland and got stuck in California by losing her passport. She started asking for money to cover her travelling expenses to the embassy and also to process her new passport application. Yeah! Right!

So, people, happy safe surfing!