I find it important that in order to move forward with life, you need to let go some of your past baggages. Baggages that will drag you down, drown you and eventually, subconciously will bring you to the vicious cycle of past failed relationships.
However, even when you have moved on above and beyond this, when you have found a new partner, it is important that you and him find the balance of being able to look back in order to learn from past mistakes and then, move on. I guess this takes two to make this to work.
As I look out from my windows this late afternoon, I recalled of how on certain days my mind would flash back to the certain moment in time of the 24 years I was with my ex husband. When exactly did we really went wrong? I have no idea but it sure felt as if it went wrong as soon as it all started.
Why do people keep on living in bad relationships? Bad marriages? Bad friendship..?
Maybe, for some reasons, it is because the fear of being alone. Being unwanted. Or maybe simply people stay in bad relationships because they think they deserve it.
An ex boyfriend, The Seafarer, refuse to move on from his turbulance and distorted married life for fear that he will end up with the same kind of woman again, although I suspected that he was stringing me all along and wanted to have the best of both worlds. I realized that this concept was totally alien and unaccceptable for me and the well being to my mental health and so I moved on. I could not become his mentor all of his adult life.
Moving forward, I also feel that we need to be always concious of our own feelings, being able to identify of what my now-boyfriend was telling as “old patterns” and avoid these. It is always so easy to fall back into the pitfalls of what was norm before. I am glad that I now have a partner who is on an equal footing for our quest to leave our own baggages behind, start anew, learning from each other and take comfort that it is alright to be just human with all the flaws and mistakes of past.