The Things That I Am Not When Married To A White Guy

George and I, well, we are different. In all sorts of ways that is. The obvious ones are all there of course. We are also two of the same in many ways that we feel as if we were looking into the mirror. But never have I seen him in any other way but as someone who has managed to weave his way to my heart. All the way from 10,000 miles and 2 continents away. I surely love him the same with that salt and pepper hair and yes, a total Mat Salleh in all aspects. I am sure he has looked beyond my Asian size 5’2″ height, olive skin with all the various innuendos of Asian culture to boot or otherwise we would not have ended with me carrying his surname next to my dad’s. Talk about clash of two worlds and everything else in between.

There are many of our friends who have inter-racial marriage, just like us. The marriage part was not exactly the difficult bit. Heck! That was the easy one. The difficult part, at least for us, is to manage the perceptions of other people towards the inter-racial marriage.

The typical questions asked are: (to me)

  1. how Islam is he? (he is infact the driving force for all good things I could see as a practising Muslim)
  2. Not enough Malay men you can find? (err…been there done that, got a T-shirt, and nope, didnt work. At all.)
  3. He is a what? You mean he is not American? (would you like to check on the difference between AMERICA and CANADA?)
  4. He is a salvation to a better life in the form of his big, fat pay cheque (excuse me? Since when did I marry Donald Trump?)
  5. White devil trying to take away the local girl and turning her into some western individual. (yea, RIGHT.)

Conversely, me, being the “poor Asian lady who lives in a 3rd world country and trying to get any opportunity to live in the west and scrunge husband’s bank account” are thought to be that – “the poor Asian lady who lives in a 3rd world country and trying to get any opportunity to live in the west and scrunge husband’s bank account”.


What eludes these people are that everyone has their own commitment and responsbilities. These things come in the form of morgages, credit card payments, utilities, car, food, education, alimony, medical and..the list goes on and on and on. Dont forget that good cat food is expensive too. And so are hungry teenagers! Maybe exs who doesnt seem to know in finding their way to the employment office?

And no, since I am married to a Mat Salleh doesnt mean that I am an ATM machine to a long list of people. I do know that the exchange rate is favourable but surely people would know that we are not a charity house?

Like I said, morgages, credit card payments, utilities, car, food, education, medical, cat food and a bunch of teenagers who are perpetually in hunger can make gold mine owner go bonkers.

Do not forget the exs!


Hubby And His Chillis

I just simply love a quiet evening at home and having a quiet meal with no less than a home-cooked meal. Nothing so teribbly fancy. Maybe some simple noodle in chicken soup or tuna sandwiches on white bread. Lamb chop is most prominent in this household for dinner simply because they are so super easy to make. So does oven-baked BBQ-sauce marinated chicken wings.

After some time of not being used of having a male figure in my kitchen more so someone who can cook, it was refreshing to see George getting busy with the pots and pans and getting acquainted with my stove.

It took us to two supermarkets to get all the right stuff and ingredients for his chillis. Giant is not exactly a “white people” supermarket and thus doesnt have the right kind of meat he was looking for. Cold Storage offered a better selection for him and we ended up spending extra time there looking at the cheese selections and chips.

I knew he would feel instantly at home in Cold Storage!


The Teenager even brought back a few friends and they promptly cleaned up the entire left-overs.

Creating New Memories And Anniversaries

Some people say that life is a bitch. The truth is, it is. No two ways about it. Life can be unfair too but then it is all about balance. The Man upstairs has ensured that all is fair in this life.

I found my friend, partner, soul mate and a husband in George. All nicely wrapped in one package. We often joked how we would be creating new memories and anniversaries when we were together. The both of us has come a long way in this life. Both were looking for something which we though would never exists.

Well, looks like for once we were wrong.

Here I am clanking away on the laptop quietly just a few steps away from my husband who is performing his prayers for the day. Looking at him, it fills me with a sense of content and happiness that words could never described. His brown hair strays ever so slightly and his eyes closed as he prays.

The house is quiet now. The Teenager is still in her room. I am glad that finally some issues were resolved between my girl and I. All she needs to know is that I will always love her no matter who I am with and whereever she is, far or near and that I wanted her to know that she will always be close to me.

Life changed but some things will remain the same if you want to. It works both ways.

And to my husband, my love, my friend, my life partner and my soul mate, thank you for being mine and all the happiness that you have given me.


The Ring On My Finger

I used to joke that I would never ever find a man worthy enough to be my life partner. This of course came about after my bitter divorce episode and a few hit and miss experiences with a few amazingly worthless crappy creatures who happened to have balls in between their legs, and called themselves men. These creatures were mostly full of themselves and even now, when I reflected, I started to wonder – Wow! Was I blind?

Then, someone special came along. With him, he brough along his wonderful sense of humour, wit, brain, looks and everything else in between. And more. He also brought that sense of being loved, wanted, secure, happiness and content. And the most important thing is, he accepted me just the way I am, along with a Teenager in tow.

I did say to him that this is a No Return Policy and As Is Where Is Basis. What you see is what you get. The little package cannot be separated. Either take the whole thing or none at all.

Looks like he decided that he would venture along and took the plunge.

Took a plunge he did.

Close to a year down the road, here is the result of this relationship, born out of love and respect…and pile high phone bills.


Love Poem Generator

It is late. I want to write something in my blog, preferably something nice and sweet to end the day. A poem would do, but, my brain just cant think of any suitable rhyme to all these.


A nifty poem generator.

Check out the link here.

As usual, I decided to be a bit different, play a little with this cute poem generator. I decided to change some of the words and would like to surprise myself on the result.

And, out it came, looking like this:

My Love

Your skin glows like the strawberries, blossoms love as the roses in the purest hope of spring.
My heart follows your harp voice and leaps like a cat at the whisper of your name.
The evening floats in on a great sparrow wing.
I am comforted by your handkerchief that I carry into the twilight of mebeams and hold next to my fingers.
I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of water.
As my nose falls from my skirt, it reminds me of your tough.
In the quiet, I listen for the last loud of the day.
My heated eyes leaps to my pants. I wait in the moonlight for your secret look so that we may ankle as one, eyes to eyes, in search of the magnificient pink and mystical hear of love.


One Day In Your Life..

has always been a favourite song of mine for any karaoke session. Call it my “lagu wajib” (a must song to sing), I would sing this often especially after the painful period of my divorce. It wasnt so much of the meaning from the entire lyrics but I think I like the song for its  beautiful melody, at least to my ears.

And now, its singer Michael Jackson has died. At 50 years old, it could be considered a young age to die. But then again, he was no ordinary man. I grew up in the 80’s listening to his music and mimicking his moonwalk. I even watched “Thriller” for the umpteenth times. I even had my sleeves pulled three quarter, just like his. Alternating between blasting his songs on my tape player and practising for breakdance moves on the badminton court across our house, my friends and I would be discussing on what movie to watch on the coming Saturday morning.

There were only about few things that we had in common between us friends:

  • MJ
  • breakdance
  • Raleigh bicycles to do wheelies on the quiet streets of Raub
  • running tracks at school
  • movies on Saturday mornings (which we paid only 50 cents for each ticket but movies started at 9.00 am…)
  • and, ice cream

When I watched news splased across the tv and newspapers of his death, automatically my mind raced back to those carefree days of youth. Funny how when you listen to a certain song, memories would be just flood back to that specific moment in your life.

The Teenager and her friends grew up in a gamut of entertainers and singers. Their idols kept on changing over the short years and I gave up trying to keep up. We call each other’s music as noise but during those long trips we take sometimes, in order to keep her glued to the seat and not fidgety and bother me, I would allow her to plug in the 4 gig thumbdrive filled with her kind of songs. In return, she cannot squeak a word of complaint when I drag her navigating the small streets of the old city of Malacca or Penang or trekking the deep jungles of Kota Kinabalu.

I think it was a fair bargain.

Of course she thought otherwise.

In the evenings, we would make peace and have dinner while discussing the days happenings. The finale of the evening would eventually having us ended up comatose in bed, ready for the next day’s adventure to some museums or another day getting acquainted with the leeches at the jungle trek.

I can tell you, it is a vicious cycle.

Ten years down the road, I do hope that when she hears a certain song, she would reflect back of the adventures that she had with me and said, “Yeah, I did this and that with my mom”.

Life Is One Big Stage

When I first started blogging back in July 2007, the writings were of a confused and an angry person at most times, trying to make sense of all the changes that happened around me, and to me.

The blogosphere served as a platform for me to rant, bitch, share and doing some self internalization. There were definitely a lot of reflections as well.

It served as an escapism from the heartfelt wrench of life.

As I move on with life, the tone changes gradually, reflecting the mindset change and phase of life. I moved house. The Teenager’s SPM results at school, her first college days, along with a few more life’s journeys – sad and happiness-added on to all these. It also tells of the life’s challenges of lost loves and new beginnings with now my Other Half. Creating new memories and new anniversaries.

I had likened the past life I had as if I was on a big stage – people dont seem to be what they are…everyone was acting and projecting another image that they are not. People were close to me for all the wrong reasons too sometimes. And I didnt realize it until it was too late. Hearts were broken and faith shattered. Friendships ruined and families lost.

I do now know that not everyone was like that. That there are genuine people all around.

Marriage came and went, and so did relationships and friendships. Families and friends. Everyone had their roles on the big stage of life. No script, no rehearsal, the show just move along as it deems fit, all engineered by the unseen hands of God.

The stage has now been set to a more merriful background. It is more vibrant with colours, laughter and happiness.

I pray that it would be that way and we all can live happily ever after, finally.