The Things That I Am Not When Married To A White Guy


George and I, well, we are different. In all sorts of ways that is. The obvious ones are all there of course. We are also two of the same in many ways that we feel as if we were looking into the mirror. But never have I seen him in any other way but as someone who has managed to weave his way to my heart. All the way from 10,000 miles and 2 continents away. I surely love him the same with that salt and pepper hair and yes, a total Mat Salleh in all aspects. I am sure he has looked beyond my Asian size 5’2″ height, olive skin with all the various innuendos of Asian culture to boot or otherwise we would not have ended with me carrying his surname next to my dad’s. Talk about clash of two worlds and everything else in between.

There are many of our friends who have inter-racial marriage, just like us. The marriage part was not exactly the difficult bit. Heck! That was the easy one. The difficult part, at least for us, is to manage the perceptions of other people towards the inter-racial marriage.

The typical questions asked are: (to me)

  1. how Islam is he? (he is infact the driving force for all good things I could see as a practising Muslim)
  2. Not enough Malay men you can find? (err…been there done that, got a T-shirt, and nope, didnt work. At all.)
  3. He is a what? You mean he is not American? (would you like to check on the difference between AMERICA and CANADA?)
  4. He is a salvation to a better life in the form of his big, fat pay cheque (excuse me? Since when did I marry Donald Trump?)
  5. White devil trying to take away the local girl and turning her into some western individual. (yea, RIGHT.)

Conversely, me, being the “poor Asian lady who lives in a 3rd world country and trying to get any opportunity to live in the west and scrunge husband’s bank account” are thought to be that – “the poor Asian lady who lives in a 3rd world country and trying to get any opportunity to live in the west and scrunge husband’s bank account”.

Sigh.

What eludes these people are that everyone has their own commitment and responsbilities. These things come in the form of morgages, credit card payments, utilities, car, food, education, alimony, medical and..the list goes on and on and on. Dont forget that good cat food is expensive too. And so are hungry teenagers! Maybe exs who doesnt seem to know in finding their way to the employment office?

And no, since I am married to a Mat Salleh doesnt mean that I am an ATM machine to a long list of people. I do know that the exchange rate is favourable but surely people would know that we are not a charity house?

Like I said, morgages, credit card payments, utilities, car, food, education, medical, cat food and a bunch of teenagers who are perpetually in hunger can make gold mine owner go bonkers.

Do not forget the exs!

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8 Replies to “The Things That I Am Not When Married To A White Guy”

  1. enjoyed reading your post. i’m a TCK, half malaysian half mauritian and found your post really interesting 🙂 looking forward to more.

    take care!

  2. Thanks so much for visiting my blog. It has always been an interesting topic to see how perceptions on mixed marriages and children born from mixed marriages are discussed. Please share with me your challenges being a “half half”? 😉 and living in Malaysia I assumed?

  3. This is a great piece… there are just too many people trying to box everyone into their own of ‘perception of life’.

    Let’s Live life. 🙂

  4. hai hanie.i am single lady age 26.i came across ur posting.i found it was so interesting.u know i am myself very eager to marry with a mat salleh.i tried to post everywhere but none reply.i dont have time to search outside due to my tight schedule but still the indulgence to have a mat salleh husband very high.i dont know whats so speacial about them but i know i had very bad experienced with local here so i lost my trustworthy on them.all of my friends ask me why u like mat salleh too much..is that because they have money or u want to have golden baby.i dont have the answer.i guess u have my answer as both of us lead to the same way.hani tell me is there any complication when u settle down with ur husband?i think i might need ur help hani if u can introduce me may be u have some friends who are single and eager to settle down here.i mean dont get me wrong am been tired looking around but i never bring my hope down.i bet u a very cute charming lady who full of sincererity can help me out.am waiting for ur reply and god bless u

  5. Hi Wild Roses,

    marrying a mat salleh may sound exciting, interesting and comes with a few benefits as well. That was from one perspective at least. Some may see marrying them as a ticket from boring kampung life, and to add spice and colours to the relationship. (pun intended). Like you said, the golden babies etc. They are certainly different, most are gentlemen and treat ladies a bit differently from the Asian men, or even Malay men. But at the end of the day, they are still men and human with red blood running through veins irregardless the colour of their skin or the green or blue eyes they have, or the blonde hair on their head.

    They come with the usual stuff we Asians have – morgages, child support if they have children from previous marriage, bills to pay, mothers who dont want to let them go….There are also main issues that you need to consider: 1) religion 2) religion 3) religion. See how I kept on saying religion? (I assume that you are a Malay Muslim) It is great to be with a partner but a few years down the road you may find that he is not ready to convert. Many will think twice about converting as 1) they need to be circumcised 2) limited intake of alcohol i.e. beer which is like drinking water to most 3) clash of culture. Most are quite quite adaptable but can you?

  6. How interesting it is to find someone who has almost everything in common with me. I am a Malay happily married to a Brit and now very settled with life in KL over the last 4 years.

    We met when I was working in the UK and while I was there, I tried to be an ambassador to everything Malaysian. Like you, I refuse to dye my hair anything other than black or dark brown. I even refuse to speak English with an British accent.

    Since I’ve been back, I find it so difficult to find a friend(s) who has this common similarities with me. We dont marry a mat salleh other than the fact that they treat us in a far more respectable way. They don’t expect me to learn a recipe and cook their favorite food. They don’t expect me to ask PERMISSION to go out, instead he would ask me where I am going so he knows I am safe.

    Hani

  7. Sorry, chubby fingers keep failing me.

    As it is a rarity to find someone with similar interest, would you email me directly so we can be friends as I find it hard talking to my gal pals who “obeys” their partners as opposed to “respect” them 😦 and those who think that all mat salleh print money!! So frustrating

    Look forward to coffee soon 🙂

    Azura

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