Many of our acquitances would know how much I am head over heels with George B but only a handful would know the story behind our early unique courtship and eventually leading us to the marriage life.
When you are no longer young and have no time to play mind games in relationships, you will start thinking how best to get from a relationship and what sort of boundaries and behaviours are acceptable or otherwise. Past experiences has taught us not to accept anything less anymore, no more half loaf, half baked. You want an absolute dedication to make it work.
We learn these key vital things:
Communication. And not just yapping or talk away but with love, respect, open and often. A friend, lets call her Dee, had issues whenever she wanted to talk to her boyfriend. She would have to gauge his mood for the day to discuss what to have for dinner lest he jumps, gets upset and berate about her “inconsiderate” behaviour. They both couldnt agree on which movie to watch over the weekend and Dee would always coming out at the lose end as she wanted to respect his choice and he thinks she had bad taste in movie. Their dates always ended up sour.
George and I spent a great deal of time fine tuning our communication method, nuances and expectations; what is acceptable and what is not. We agree to disagree on some issues and move on. Due to the distance, George and I communicate every day in various channels available and especially so when we both travel. He makes sure that there is no absolute doubt in me that he is where is and exactly where he is doing what he is suppose to do. Which leads to the next point.
Faith. Faith doesnt come about without trust. And trust doesnt come about without proper communication. See where this leads? I want him to know that whatever I do and say would leave no room to question his trust and faith in me. Not that because I have to, but I want to.
Show those past skeletons. Not many people will agree with this but we find that it is important for us to understand each others’ pasts so that we can plan for the future. I certainly will not appreciate any surprises somewhere down the lane. They say, have a proper closure to anything you do or otherwise it will haunt you back when you are least ready. We both hate surprises and so we did our showcase of the skeletons in the cupboard. It wasnt easy as there must be an absolute awareness that these were things of the past and that we have earned our tuition fees albeit how expensive they were.
Financial standings. A couple of months back, Nana and I were in a local bank. Standing next to us were this mother and her son. They were busy filling up an application to apply for something and the mother needed a certain info of her husband. We overheard the mother asking the son to phone his father and to ask him how much is his monthly salary. Nana and I looked at each other. The son could have been about 18 years old. And for the past 18 years living with a person, you dont know how much your partner is making? My point is, before your eagerness to apply for the marriage license, make sure you both understand each other’s financial commitments and standings so that you can make informed decisions. At the end of it all, take away all the worldly materials your partner have, take away the fancy cars, houses and credit cards, strip him bare of all his possessions (and things he doesnt have) and leave him with his substance and essence, what do you see? Is this still the same man you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Keep the love alive. Ever thought what makes you get so attracted to your partner in the first place? And does your partner do the same? Remember all the chats that went on till wee hours in the morning? All the lovely nicknames and short notes you sent to each other? George is an absolute winner in this department and I couldnt ask for more. I mean, he knew he wasnt marrying some Miss Universe or Stella The Playbunny but he could make me feel thousands of times beautiful inside and out. He just look at me past all the cellulites, left over baby fat, greying hair, drying skin, farts, burbs, snores and take me as I am. Imagine that? Some couples have lost it after a while. They stop spending the “couple time”. They rushed to settle down to the mundane domestic life. They stop remembering what makes them fall in love in the first place. Then, finally, they stop caring.
When they stop caring, that is when all these unwanted men and women on the sideway will come in like a vulture and offer their comforting shoulders to cry on.
And that is when the real trouble begins.
One of the best things in life, to me, is to have a best friend whom you can confide all your fears. To have a partner you can rely on and a lover to soothe your soul. My husband is all of these and I feel blessed each day.