Five Things Malay Men Should Do To Keep Their Women (And Keep Them Happy)

First and foremost I must thank George for being the inspiration to this blog piece today. You see, we can talk about anything and everything under the sun. We can agree to disagree about something and yet always find some middle ground to move forward on how we address issues. He does the filing and stuff. I hate those. I clean and wash floors. He does laundry. I wash dishes. He puts them away. I cook. He sets the table. We go shopping. He carries the bags without me asking. We came back home from work. He gives me foot rubs. I iron his work shirt. He makes me coffee. Oh. He cooks too. I pick movies, he gets that going by booking online. We cross the road, he automatically reaches out for my hand. I got introduced to his friends and colleagues.

Each and every night, he would tell me how much he loves me. And waking up in the morning to the same words of love too. Every day, without fail, I would receive some words from him – about lunches, planned weekend dates, words of encouragement when things are bad. I dont have to act dumb or stupid. I can totally be myself and knowing that my lows, warts and skeletons will never be used to attack me as a woman and as a person. He recognizes that I have a mind of my own and acknowledges that fact as much as I have of his.

In short, I feel loved, wanted,  needed, respected, lusted for = happy.

Yes, during my single-dom I have tried to test the theory that whatever race you dated, it really doesnt matter. Sure…but then after 3 dates with Malay men, I didnt think I have enough courage to move on to the the 4th. Date No. 1 was quite disastrous. We agreed to go for dinner first. Ended up at this tom yam stall where the menu might have seen better days. I was flipping through the menu after ordering the drinks first. The next thing I knew the food of that he picked arrived. He didnt even ask for my opinion.

Same goes for Date No. 2 and Date No. 3. Was there a pattern that I detected here?

Suffice to say that they ended up eating alone as I left right after that.

Scores of friends compared notes withe each other. The question is that – why do generally Malay men are acting so macho up to the point that they do not realize that their wives, girlfriends or partners are suffering in silent? Is showing  a little bit of respect and loving difficult? How about showing some gratitude towards whatever the wife has done by doing simple stuff like putting away your dirty socks in the laundry basket?

Or how about surprising her with a stalk of flowers during lunch hour? Embarassed? Not a done thing? Why? Why must you be shy or embarassed by other people? Women…my dear friends..are generally easy to please. Trust me, you will be rewarded more than the cost of that RM1.80 stalk of rose…she will show her gratitude by doing things for you, and to you.

Okay…today I am going to write about five things Malay men should do to keep their women and keep them happy too. Actually, I have more than five things but then, perhaps I will write about them the next time…even with this five things should be enough to kick start some thinking.

  • First thing first. The favourite subject of many men (read that as Malay men). Sex. Ever wonder why she doesnt want to go down South for you? Thats because you yourself is most hesitant to go down South too. This is all about fairness, yes? You expect her to be the Sexy Kitten in bed but you come to bed smelling like 3-day old damp cigarette. Get your body clean. Respect her.You tell her there is no need to dress up as you love her the way she is…and yet when you guys go out to the mall,  your eye balls almost pop out from the sockets when seeing a well dressed pretty lady passed by. There are ten gadzillion style to make love. Plain vanilla man on top is one. Clicking on porn (and wife doesnt know) is not cool. And a 5 minutes of self glory will not make the wife happy too. No amount of Tongkat Ali can help you if you dont want to be creative in bed. By the way, ever know whether your wife has actually climaxed? No? My point……Look into her eyes and tell her how much you love her, that you care for her. Thanking her for doing whatever she has done for you. For being the mother of your children. For being your life partner. For being with you. Touch her face and tell her all these.

             And mean it.

  • Men’s kingdom does not revolve around the sofa in the living room while the wife battles the heat while cooking for dinner. She may not be working in the office like you but hey, she cleaned, mopped, dusted, ironed, washed, care for your children, manage your parents (in some cases your mother if you are mommy’s boy), run to the bank and other ten gadzillion chores that you dont see while you were at work. Talk to her, ask how her day was. Help to set the table. Buy something on the way home. It could be a simple thing as her favourite magazine. If she is a working wife, then the more activities you two should do together. If she finds it her way, she would want to sit next to you on the sofa too and watch the latest CSI while someone else makes her the coffee. But no. She sashayed to the kitchen to fix dinner, after she took off your shoes and stockings….
  • Introduce her to friends when you two go out. I remember how it was to feel being left out when the ex met some friends and had forgotten to introduce me. Hello! I am next to you. I am a person with my own thoughts and ideas and opinions. And yes I want to express them without having to act dumb so that you can look smart. You married or chose the partner because of these x factors that you saw during courting. Why do you want them to change so much that they dont even recognize themselves? And when they change, you dont like them anymore. And you start calling them stupid because it makes you feel better about yourself.
  • Recognize that your wife/partner is a human being and that she needs her me-time. Yes, husbands have me-time. You can go out with your friends for soccer nights, or teh tarik session, whatever. Wife needs me-time to look and feel good about herself too. So that she can go back to you and make you happier.
  • Respect and show some love. Many Malay women forsake their career for their husbands. Many friends that I have left their high paying jobs to take care of the family or to follow the husband’s relocation of work place. These women are used to have their own money to pay for personal items. She is not working now and is at your mercy, so to speak. Respect her space and allow her to keep her dignity by providing an agreed amount of expenses every month for herself. This is not the grocery money! I always believe that a woman shall never have to ask her husband for money to buy deodorant, shavers, sanitary pads, bras and panties. I have friends whose husbands chided them for buying slightly expensive brand of sanitary pad. And yet they have never complaint about you buying a new sub-woofer for the car and adding the sun roof too.

             Go figure this one.

I am not saying that all Malay men are obnoxious. I have met some who are really a gem – so loving and everything else in between. In an about turn, it is the wife who should be kicked on the butt for being such a bitch. But, the above five things are generally what I have observed and/or experienced, or from stories told by friends who suffer silently.


Farewell My Friend

Today I would like to dedicate this post to an old friend. I have known Megat and Eda for several years now. Our kids went to school together. Eda’s family and my family knew each other too as we came from the same kampung. Never had I seen such loving and beautiful couple as this one.

The way they talked to each other, and the way they looked at each other from across the room.  I knew this was not just a wedded couple but the best of friends, partners and soul mates. Nothing can take away at how these two people love at each other, come what may. I have seen how they braved life’s challenges and how they found happiness in everything that they did together.

When George and I planned to get married, they graciously opened up their home for the ceremony. All went perfectly well, from the dinner preparation, to the akad nikah ceremony itself and gathering of the mosque committee.  And we can never, ever express enough gratitudes towards these couple except for praying to Allah for their health, wealth and happiness.

Megat’s health deteriorated from last year and Eda had been challenged with this. Still, I see how strong they were facing God’s tests.

He finally met his Maker peacefully last Wednesday. He is no longer in pain.

Farewell my dear friend and may Allah bless your soul. And to my friend, Eda, be strong as this is God’s test in life.

Countdown To My Birthday

Owh my! It is almost the day.

I always think that a birthday is the only day which truly belongs to you because it is yours. In this world, there are only a few things that are truly yours – your name, and birthday. And maybe your MyKad number. But then again there are caseswhere someone else stole your identity and you ended up paying for the C Class and the 5 Platinum cards that you never owned in the first place.

But then, as always, I digress.

Some people asked me how old am I. I said, I am perpertually stuck at 35. George got stuck at 30 for some reason.  Try to ask someone how old they feel. Chances are they will say a figure which is different from their real age. I have a theory for this. There might be a profound event that occured at that age, and it got stuck there. Doesnt matter whether it was good or bad, but something happened.

Go ahead. Ask yourself that question.

I remember celebrating my 7th birthday. I was in Standard 1. So many friends came over to our house. To see a real birthday being celebrated in a felda settlement must have been a sight to everyone. But that was my mom. She likes doing things with style.

Then, there were many more birthdays to celebrate. Each birthday was different than the other. Some were celebrated in such fun ways, many more were not so good when my parents went separate ways. My 17th birthday was grand. The makan do was done in the white-washed, grand rest-house in Raub, my home town. The caterers were called in to cook for a big group of hungry teenagers including the fortunate  in-house guests of the rest house at that time. I must say we make new friends that day.

21st birthday…hmm..honestly, I could not recall exactly how it went. I was already married then and just started to show the baby bump. Life was different. Birthdays came and went, and none really stood up. Birthdays revolved around the family – husband, daughter and everyone elses. And yet, I held on deep in my heart that my birthday was mine and noone elses.

Skipping all the years and there I had my pre 40th birthday sitting alone on the beach in PD admiring the sunny sky and the long stretch of beach. Feeling content, happy and liberated knowing well that it was me who chose to be where I was on that day and doing exactly what I wanted.

I so look forward to celebrating the 42nd birthday in a few days to come knowing well that I am content, happy and liberated.

As George said, life is too short.