Five Things Malay Men Should Do To Keep Their Women (And Keep Them Happy)

First and foremost I must thank George for being the inspiration to this blog piece today. You see, we can talk about anything and everything under the sun. We can agree to disagree about something and yet always find some middle ground to move forward on how we address issues. He does the filing and stuff. I hate those. I clean and wash floors. He does laundry. I wash dishes. He puts them away. I cook. He sets the table. We go shopping. He carries the bags without me asking. We came back home from work. He gives me foot rubs. I iron his work shirt. He makes me coffee. Oh. He cooks too. I pick movies, he gets that going by booking online. We cross the road, he automatically reaches out for my hand. I got introduced to his friends and colleagues.

Each and every night, he would tell me how much he loves me. And waking up in the morning to the same words of love too. Every day, without fail, I would receive some words from him – about lunches, planned weekend dates, words of encouragement when things are bad. I dont have to act dumb or stupid. I can totally be myself and knowing that my lows, warts and skeletons will never be used to attack me as a woman and as a person. He recognizes that I have a mind of my own and acknowledges that fact as much as I have of his.

In short, I feel loved, wanted,  needed, respected, lusted for = happy.

Yes, during my single-dom I have tried to test the theory that whatever race you dated, it really doesnt matter. Sure…but then after 3 dates with Malay men, I didnt think I have enough courage to move on to the the 4th. Date No. 1 was quite disastrous. We agreed to go for dinner first. Ended up at this tom yam stall where the menu might have seen better days. I was flipping through the menu after ordering the drinks first. The next thing I knew the food of that he picked arrived. He didnt even ask for my opinion.

Same goes for Date No. 2 and Date No. 3. Was there a pattern that I detected here?

Suffice to say that they ended up eating alone as I left right after that.

Scores of friends compared notes withe each other. The question is that – why do generally Malay men are acting so macho up to the point that they do not realize that their wives, girlfriends or partners are suffering in silent? Is showing  a little bit of respect and loving difficult? How about showing some gratitude towards whatever the wife has done by doing simple stuff like putting away your dirty socks in the laundry basket?

Or how about surprising her with a stalk of flowers during lunch hour? Embarassed? Not a done thing? Why? Why must you be shy or embarassed by other people? Women…my dear friends..are generally easy to please. Trust me, you will be rewarded more than the cost of that RM1.80 stalk of rose…she will show her gratitude by doing things for you, and to you.

Okay…today I am going to write about five things Malay men should do to keep their women and keep them happy too. Actually, I have more than five things but then, perhaps I will write about them the next time…even with this five things should be enough to kick start some thinking.

  • First thing first. The favourite subject of many men (read that as Malay men). Sex. Ever wonder why she doesnt want to go down South for you? Thats because you yourself is most hesitant to go down South too. This is all about fairness, yes? You expect her to be the Sexy Kitten in bed but you come to bed smelling like 3-day old damp cigarette. Get your body clean. Respect her.You tell her there is no need to dress up as you love her the way she is…and yet when you guys go out to the mall,  your eye balls almost pop out from the sockets when seeing a well dressed pretty lady passed by. There are ten gadzillion style to make love. Plain vanilla man on top is one. Clicking on porn (and wife doesnt know) is not cool. And a 5 minutes of self glory will not make the wife happy too. No amount of Tongkat Ali can help you if you dont want to be creative in bed. By the way, ever know whether your wife has actually climaxed? No? My point……Look into her eyes and tell her how much you love her, that you care for her. Thanking her for doing whatever she has done for you. For being the mother of your children. For being your life partner. For being with you. Touch her face and tell her all these.

             And mean it.

  • Men’s kingdom does not revolve around the sofa in the living room while the wife battles the heat while cooking for dinner. She may not be working in the office like you but hey, she cleaned, mopped, dusted, ironed, washed, care for your children, manage your parents (in some cases your mother if you are mommy’s boy), run to the bank and other ten gadzillion chores that you dont see while you were at work. Talk to her, ask how her day was. Help to set the table. Buy something on the way home. It could be a simple thing as her favourite magazine. If she is a working wife, then the more activities you two should do together. If she finds it her way, she would want to sit next to you on the sofa too and watch the latest CSI while someone else makes her the coffee. But no. She sashayed to the kitchen to fix dinner, after she took off your shoes and stockings….
  • Introduce her to friends when you two go out. I remember how it was to feel being left out when the ex met some friends and had forgotten to introduce me. Hello! I am next to you. I am a person with my own thoughts and ideas and opinions. And yes I want to express them without having to act dumb so that you can look smart. You married or chose the partner because of these x factors that you saw during courting. Why do you want them to change so much that they dont even recognize themselves? And when they change, you dont like them anymore. And you start calling them stupid because it makes you feel better about yourself.
  • Recognize that your wife/partner is a human being and that she needs her me-time. Yes, husbands have me-time. You can go out with your friends for soccer nights, or teh tarik session, whatever. Wife needs me-time to look and feel good about herself too. So that she can go back to you and make you happier.
  • Respect and show some love. Many Malay women forsake their career for their husbands. Many friends that I have left their high paying jobs to take care of the family or to follow the husband’s relocation of work place. These women are used to have their own money to pay for personal items. She is not working now and is at your mercy, so to speak. Respect her space and allow her to keep her dignity by providing an agreed amount of expenses every month for herself. This is not the grocery money! I always believe that a woman shall never have to ask her husband for money to buy deodorant, shavers, sanitary pads, bras and panties. I have friends whose husbands chided them for buying slightly expensive brand of sanitary pad. And yet they have never complaint about you buying a new sub-woofer for the car and adding the sun roof too.

             Go figure this one.

I am not saying that all Malay men are obnoxious. I have met some who are really a gem – so loving and everything else in between. In an about turn, it is the wife who should be kicked on the butt for being such a bitch. But, the above five things are generally what I have observed and/or experienced, or from stories told by friends who suffer silently.


22 Replies to “Five Things Malay Men Should Do To Keep Their Women (And Keep Them Happy)”

  1. dun like malay men, will never date a malay men ever again. I have grown up and must say, quite fed up with their chauvinistic and superficial ways. 90% of them r like that. Besides, I’m just not attracted 2 them physically. I have much better options in foreign men. Good body, good height n better looking. If they can go out with other races and be critical 2 us malay woman, y can’y we? Fair is fair. Besides, it’s not a rule that a malay man must pair up with a malay woman only.cheers.:)

  2. Hello Mie, thanks for dropping by. I must say that I have many friends who are married to good Malay men. They are caring, loving and different. But I guess there are not many out there. George thinks that there is a market for re educating the shy men out there who doesnt know how to express their love…. I tend to agree 😉 There are foreign men who are jerks too and just want to play around.

  3. I think the overall Malay generation men and women today, especially Malaysians are simply either spoilt, messy ( or whatever terms that suits them) mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually too. Good for them because they let themselves be that; cant blame perception of others! Maybe thats why you see them failing almost in every aspect of life….most obvious attitudes. No one can help them if they cant help themselves.

  4. am glad that i am married to a ” melayu celup “..hehehehe….though there’s hiccups here and there..but we managed. ALHAMDULILLAH….

  5. Shidah: we cannot change other people but we can change ourselves. And we do have options too but at the end of the day we have to be true to ourselves.

    Rose: Your other half kan memang melayu celup pun and a good man 😉 You guys are so good for each other. I am glad things are going well for both of you, Amin…

  6. Hi Hanie, interesting writing you have here. I actually ended at your blog after looking up Russian men (my daughter asked me about them i just thought i googgled!) found some interesting stuff but i wouldnt say much about the validity and being a malay myself just thought i google ‘malay men’ and got to ur page. i figured if i get a fairly true version then maybe to certain extendt it could be right!

    Personally as long i can remember, i have not experienced malay men that fitted the negative perceptions except one that was horribly obsessed. But , that feature is present among almost all races. I think it is not right to generalize Malay men as such and as you also mentioned there are other races that have negative sides as well.

    At the end of the day i still know my roots and appreciate being Malay but that doesnt mean im not open to criticism.


  7. Hello Gina! Glad you dropped by. Yes I know it is not right to generalize as all these traits exist in all races. I came up with this piece after encountering so many friends who are already in ther 30’s and ready to be with a partner. The conversation always revolve around the difficulty in finding a partner within the same race (as in a Malay). It was inspired by all these conversations. And the thing is, I kept on hearing more or less the same issue, so one comment from one person may not mean anything, but if it came from many?

    Do come back again and looking forward to hear your thoughts.


  8. Hi Ani, thanks for dropping by! Yes you may take the excerpt from my blog but would appreciate if you could credit it back to me by linking back to my blog at the same url. Thanks again and do let me know what kind of response you get! 😉

  9. i think youre referring to those typical Malaysian malay boys. have you tried those non typical malay boys in singapore?

  10. Whatever! Choose a good Muslim husband over a more ‘convenient’ partnership if needed be. That’s our genuine care for you.

  11. Dear Malay Man…….am I missing a point here, or have you? And please enlighten me on “That’s our genuine care for you”. Who are you addressing this to? If you were referring to me, well…errr the last time I checked, my husband has been a practicing Muslim for the past 25 years.

  12. Hi, a Singaporean malay here. Won’t say how I got to your page but I did. I’ve dated a few singaporean malay men but ended up married to an australian by fate. I think most malay men are good looking, charming and have good intentions, but they are egotistical in the way that a lot of them are chauvinists and we are just arm candy. I realise I might be wrong and have misunderstood, or maybe I dated the wrong kind of malay men lol, but nevertheless I’m so glad I married my husband, who respects me as both a woman and a muslimah, alhamdulillah. Having said this, a lot of my friends are married to malay men and are happy so the above is just my experience and I do believe there are many good malay men out there (my dad is a prime example) 🙂 Thanks for the read!

  13. Glad you found this article interesting, Yan. I used to wonder – was it me, or was it them? Hmmmmm…I think irregardless of who we feel most comfortable with also speaks of our own expectations of the relationship. I expect that there should be respect and fairness, not just me Tarzan (husband) you Jane (wife) mentality.

  14. Jika awak ada abang atau adik lelaki cuba lihat bagaimana mereka melayan isteri mereka
    Dan kalaulah awak lelaki..pun akan lebih kurang begitu.itulah masaalahnya.

  15. Not sure if race is the main agenda here…If you drop the word malay…You will see that this articles goes and implies to any men of any race really. There’s always some that are better looking, better husband…etc and some that just sucked. So your article should really aim for men in general, to not be so egocentric and try to be a good companion to their women. It is a partnership after all; both marriage & parenting.

  16. Hi Hanie, why don’t u admit that u always want to be in bikini at the beach, wear half naked everywhere, speaking english everytime, everywhere- since it might not at the standard to converse in “Tarzan’s language” (malay-native speaking), consume wine to have a “romantic date” etc.

    people is so in denial syndrome which make them to blame others, just because something is not in line with their lustful interest.. Hopefully ur australian husband keen to get polygamy soon. As a typical malay woman with less physical attractiveness, i don’t think he will sustain longer with you. Or else, as a liberal “western-thinking” woman, u don’t even bother ur husband to sleep with other women since u are not capable enough to serve him..well, just as long as the marriage subsist..

    Unless u’re blind, you should always know that the WHITES are so into partying, and open in cohabitation thing before tying any knot. And I believe those characters are so into you.

    its so ironic..:D:D

  17. Hahaha…dude, are you happy? Or are you a dudette? You make me happy this morning. Want to know why? You just confirmed my story la how trashy people can get… You even got my husband’s nationality wrong la. People like you, being trash and low self esteemed, having distorted thoughts seldom get the good deal. Fluff. Thats what you are…now, go back home. Pray to Allah to forgive your sins for bersangka buruk. Jangan ingat semua orang putih sama. Sometimes they are so much better than the default Muslims.

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