Someone Wants To Make Me Rich!

Yea.

Right.

Apparently through some sophisticated system ever devised by someone, my banking file is sitting on the table of a Minister named Dr Mansur Muhtar in the Ministry of Finance of Nigeria. He said that because of my lack of cooperation, I have not been able to receive my payment.

Payment for what? I have no idea.

Let’s see how this email looks like….

fromDR.MANSUR MUHTAR <atmcardepartment@terra.com.ve>
reply-toatmcardepartment20005@megamail.pt

to
date16 December 2009 16:01
subjectPAYMENT VIA ATM CARD 2009

hide details 16 Dec (3 days ago)
Dear Sir/Madam,

PAYMENT VIA ATM CARD 2009

This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract file presently on my desk, and I found out that you have not received your payment due to your lack of co-operation and not fulfilling the obligations giving to you in respect to your contract payment.Secondly, you are hereby advised to stop dealing with some non-officials in the bank as this is an illegal act and will have to stop if you so wish to receive your payment immediately.

After the Board of director’s meeting held in Abuja, we have resolved in finding a solution to your problem. We have arranged your payment through our SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTRE in Europe, America, Africa and Asia Pacific; this is part of the mandate passed by the Senate in respect to overseas contract payment and debt re-scheduling. And also the  Nigerian Government is using this mean to rewards all the citizens of the United states and all part of Europe including Asia, Australia, South America, Canada, Antarctica e.t.c and all those who have lost their funds in either scam, or an uncompleted business, or otherwise, You should know that if you are interested to receive your ATM card which will be credited with $5,000,000.00 united states dollars before it is been sent to you direct to your doorstep through the FedEx courier service, you will have to respond to me with your full information’s, After your response you will be directed to the FedEx shipping courier representative whose name is Mr. Edward Edwar

He will send you your ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw your money via ATM MACHINE in any part of the world, and the maximum daily limit is Fifteen Thousand United States dollars ($15,000.00). And also note that the Nigerian Government has taken care of the shipping fee of your ATM card, so if Mr. Edward is requesting for another shipping fee, you will have to report him to me immediately. When you receive your ATM card, you have to alert me so that we can give you process of how to activate and make use of your ATM CARD.

If you like to receive your fund this way, kindly contact me with the following information’s below.

(1) Your Full Name
(2) Full residential address
(3) Phone and Fax Number
(4) Occupation.
(5) Personal Identification. Driver’s license or International Passport.
(7) Age
(8) Marital Status
(9) Sex

This message is supported by the Nigerian Government.

Thanks for your co-operation.

Respectively

Dr. Mansur Muhtar
Minister, Federal Ministry of Finance

Pet Peeves (Ranting)

Pet Peeves  Some people say that your past experiences, how you were raised, developed throughout the years and all that jazz will shape you as an individual. How you treat your life, spouse and children or how you perceive the future life will all depend on these. Sometimes, what you learn along the way will sort of give you ideas on what your next steps to be and what you will look out for. Or not. Well, thanks to my past experiences, I have a long list of what my pet peeves look like:  

  1. MLM newbies. Stop. Bothering. Me. Please. I really don’t care how many PVs I can generate for myself when I simply said to you I just want to use the products that you sell. The concept at least to me is pretty simple. I like your products. I want to buy. You sell. If I like it I will buy some more.

  1. Club Membership Telemarketeer. Which part of my “no” that you don’t understand when I refuse to buy your buy one-get 12 free meals coupons. By the way, where on earth did you get my private phone number?

  1. Beggars who prowl food courts with three healthy looking children in tow. They don’t even look like the “mother”. I personally saw an old man came begging for money at a local food court. After his round of collection, a Waja car came to pick him up and proceeded to stop in front of Victoria Station Steak House nearby. Guessed all the people were paying for his piece of steak.

  1. The great Nigerian scams. Ah…what can I say….from princesses, princes, sons , daughters and even attorneys to wealthy Nigerian politicians whose father, mother, heck- an entire clan- killed by some jealous rivals. None of them allow me to invest in my own great Hanie’s Chili Flavoured Condom manufacturing facility.

  1. Dentist. Blame it on a bad experience when I was 12. I went to the Government dentist to pull out an overgrown molar. The dentist told me it wasn’t going to be painful. He lied. I spent half of my life spending huge investments in dental care simply because I told myself I will not step into another dentist’s chair as long as I live.

  1. Pregnant woman. Don’t get me wrong. I was pregnant before but I had a tough time. I developed post natal blues and no one really realized it much less my then other half. I knew there was something wrong with me but wasn’t sure what it was. Naturally, looking at pregnant women will trigger these bad memories. Maternity hospitals give me the same feeling. Someone told me I need severe therapy for this kind of thinking.

  1. Screaming children in a restaurant. No, it is not okay for them playing and running my table. Not cute at all. I will go to the playground when I want to watch children playing catch.

  1. Kuala Lumpur Bukit Aman Police HQ. Umm…long story… until now I will not even make a detour to that route even if you point a gun to my head.

  1. A clean sweep and bordering to insanely loathsome and severe hatred for most Filipina and Sabahan girls. Makes me sick to the depth of my stomach.  In fact, I am puking as I write this.

  1. Most Malay men (and married one at that) who thought they are God-send to women. No, I am not interested to look at your new apartments as well, thank you. Neither do I want to waste my phone credits in replying to your silly messages. And no, I don’t think circumcised dicks have better personality than those uncut look. Its your personality that matters and why are you telling me this again?

  1. Most married Malay men who tell me how lonesome they are because the wives are not sexy and don’t entertain in bed anymore. Go get yourself a proper couple counseling or get a divorce, then come talk to me, you swine! And in that order too.

  1. Almost anything Irish. That includes The Coors and anyone who goes by the name of Jack.

  1. Anyone by the name of Nelson or Hairiz. Ugh. Please leave your employment application forms by the door and don’t ever come back.

  1. Anyone by the name of Faizal or Zairuddin. I will befriend you with a pinch, no make that a sackful, of salt.

  1. Religious fanatics. Hollier than thou bunch. Whatever religion that is, I really don’t care what faith you practice but just don’t come near me sprouting your wisdoms and whatnots, and thinking how you are above everyone else who doesn’t share your views. Get a life!

  1. All the old aunties and uncles who think that I will look better wearing baju kurung and headscarves 24/7. I don’t share graves with you and neither will I meet my Maker with you in tow. I dress to please myself and no one else. And no, Im not that stupid to wear bikinis to work.

  1. SILs, BILs and MIL or whatever that ends with ILs who thinks they deserve to have a few words on me raising my daughter. As much as I appreciate your concerns and wants to play an active role in her upbringing, it does not include brainwashing her on what a bad parent I am, neither telling her I cant feed her 3 square meals a day. I have a few choiced words to you people, and they are not pretty.

  1. Women drivers who are like lunatics and act as if they left their brains and pair of eyes back home the minute they start the ignition and press on the gas pedal. These women bring shame to the gender. For God’s sake, please learn and master the simple corner maneuvering, side parking, reverse parking and changing a flat tyre. The side mirror is not meant for you to check on your lipsticks only. It is there for other reason.

  1. Myspace new friends who ding dong-ed questions on what colour are my panties for the day. No, you will not judge me simply when you saw a picture of me in a club a few weeks back. Listen to this too – you telling me how much you make in a year will not impress me to bits, ok?

  1. IM new friends. Yes, I have a working cam, and no, I am not interested to see how big your tool is. Please don’t bullshit me that you don’t have a cam when I see the indicator says that you do. Please also don’t tell me that you are in Europe when the time you just told me is the same as in my timeline. I know how many hours is London behind Kuala Lumpur.

  1. Do not interrupt me when I am talking. I have given you my time to listen to your reasoning and rant. It is my time now. Wait for your turn.

  

CONDOMS ~ CHILI OR CURRY FLAVOURED, ANYONE?

Once in a while I have this gremlins in me to just play around a little bit with scammers who write to my in-box and clotted it with junks. There are so many of these and God knows what were thinking? Do they really think people are a bunch of freakin idiots who couldnt differentiate between a genuine enquiry and well…a scam? Just recently I opened up my company email in box and found from someone claiming to be a Specialist Consultant in a consultancy company, based in London , no less.

He wrote that he had received a proposal from a client and this would, eventually will lead them to secure a business partner in my country. Total amount of money to be moved to my account would be Ten Million Eight Hundred Thousand Dollars!

Now…Ive been thinking. I have been in my kind of business for 8 years and never before in my life that Ive seen this amount of money neither have I actually counted them passing my hands.

Below, Ive posted the email in its entirety, with my reply. However, after his second reply, I could not, for the life of me, play any longer. The fun was too much for me to bear alone!

 mahsadik@freesurf.ch wrote:

FROM Mr. MOHAMED AL-SADIK
Tele: +447031845387
Email: mahsadik2006@yahoo.co.uk
Address: 43 Chapel Street.
Peters Field. London
Sir,

The above is my details and profile, I am a specialist consultant with AL-SADIK
CONSULTANTS. Just recently we received a proposal from one of our clients
here to secure a reputable foreign partner in your country to help them move
a certain amount of money into your company’s account. I am writing therefore
to offer your assistance in the transfer if this money valued at Ten Million
Eight Hundred Thousand Dollars into your bank account which they have proposed
to invest into your company as a joint venture business.
They are willing to work on your terms and conditions.If you are interested,
kindly get in touch with me, or you can as well contact the Executor of this
project Dr. GRION GEONAH via: griongeonah@yahoo.co.uk for verifications
and not forgetting to inform him that you are from me.
Best Regards,
MOHAMED AL-SADIK
N/B: PLEASE ENDAVOUR TO CONTACT ME DIRECTLY TO MY EMAIL ADDRESS AS FOLLOWS
Email: mahsadik2006@yahoo.co.uk

In return, and totally excited over the prospect of investing such huge amount of money, I wrote back…

(my name)  
to mahsadik2006

show details

 Oct 6 (2 days ago) 
I want to invest this money in a factory that produces condoms with chilli and curry flavour. As a consultant, what do you think?

And, he promptly replied……………

Date: Sat, 6 Oct 2007 15:28:03 +0100 (BST)
From: Send an Instant Message “MOHAMMED AL-SADIK” <mahsadik2006@yahoo.co.uk>  Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book  Add Mobile Alert
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.co.uk. Learn more
Subject: Re: Contact the project executor
To:

Attention:(my name)
Sir,
 
We have received your email through our company email account and your idea of investing into a factory that produces condoms is good,  before we contacted you we scrutinzed your profile and we hope that you will not do any thing that will bring shame to this firm.Also our client suggested that the funds should be invested into the following projects (1).Trading Industry.(2). Manufacturing Industry.(3). Transportation.(4). Real Estate.

Note we are Consultants agent here in London also as we have intially notified you that we received a proposal from one of our clients here to secure a reputable foreign partner in your country to help them move a certain amount of money valued at Ten Million Eight Hundred Thousand Dollars into your bank account which he have proposed to invest into your company as a joint venture business, regarding your email  you are advised to contact the Executor of this project  immediately via his contact stated below.
 
Name: DR. GRION GEONAH
Email: griongeonah@yahoo.co.uk
 
Finally, I must let you know that my client is ready to work with you since he urged to exterblish his project in Malaysia, kindly get in touch with DR. GRION GEONAH upon the receipt of this email , he is in better position to give you every information you need for this transaction.
 
Yours Faithfully,
Mohamed Al-Sadik