Equality In The Bedroom

Imagine that.

A woman demanding equality in the bedroom “can help them achieve equal footing in boardrooms and in politics”.

Largely unheard of in many Asian countries, sex remains a taboo subject; which I dont know why as everyone is having sex. I mean, what could you be doing when you are with your spouse, right? Surely we dont get busy counting armpit hair?

An article written by a spunky Indonesian lady, Firliana Purwanti, caught my eyes today and just had to write something about it. The article can be read here.

 

The Art Of Finding The Soul Mate

This piece is dedicated to a dear friend, Mohsin who is a game changer, explorer, adrenaline junkie, single & available and is on his quest to look for The One.

All of us grew up watching Disney movies where the Prince and Princess will live happily ever after at the end. The movies are always accompanied with beautiful songs which are so Disney-esque.

And still did not see it in the real world.

Beautiful, I thought. But I never thought that true love would happen to me. Finding that elusive soul mate is just a fairy tale. I grew watching so many loveless marriages and shattered relationships that the idea of true love just eluded me.

The Never Land

Being single at one point of my life taught me a few important things, and I call this my Never Land:

  • never underestimate your own strength of living through life
  • never have the “I am a victim” mentality
  • never “settle” as you deserve more. Psychobitches and psycho bastards are abound and difficult to shake off.
  • never disregard your bull shit detector/gut feels that God gives you
  • never accept “half loaf of bread”
  • never be needy and desperate
  • never compact your life in a small box. The world is your oyster, go explore.
  • (this is for men) never let your dick do the thinking as it has no brain for rationalisation.

Some friends ask me how do G and I achieve a balance in our own marriage. Being so different and yet so compatible. Well, I do not have all the answers but one thing we agreed upon is that we both have had life experiences before we met each other. If we had met years before we were destined to meet, I do not think we will even tolerate each other, let alone being married! Being the practical people that we are, we treated the relationship as a business similar to merger & acquisition. We prodded, examined, asked, validated everything from divorce papers, salary slips to health screens to legal papers. Then we opened up the “closets” and think about whether we could live with all these information with a knowledge and acceptance that history was done. That this person is here, now, present and he/she cannot undo what has happened in the past. The acceptance is important because this is where the trust comes in. The trust that whatever you found in the closets will never be used against you in the future. This is where the NDA (non disclosure agreement) comes in. Next step is to sign the M&A or in this context, the pre nuptial agreement.

But, one of the key things is this – your “customer service” must be opened, 7 days a week, 365 and a quarter – ever ready to serve your “client” (spouse/partner/soulmate). Come rain or shine, this customer service must be grounded, neutral and objective.

Why I Am A Big Advocate of Pre nuptial Agreement

Donald Trump, one of my big time idols advocates pre nuptial agreement. “It’s a hard, painful, ugly tool,” says Trump. “Believe me, there’s nothing fun about it. But there comes a time when you have to say, ‘Darling, I think you’re magnificent, and I care for you deeply, but if things don’t work out, this is what you’re going to get.” It is worth noting that he was married twice before Melania Knauss and both ex wives tried contesting the pre nup with no success.

See what happens when the love is lost? When you are still in love, you want to give and give and love and care the other person. When the love is lost, trust me my friends, even a single sen will be dug out from the past – where was it gone to, what have you done with it, etc etc.

It is also a show of responsibility especially when you have a business to run. Pre nuptial agreements ensures the company’s sustainability which in return takes care of its employees. Do not punish the employees for your own stupidity when the company is split into several ways upon your divorce. Imagine 10s, 100s or thousands of employees who are out of jobs when this happens.

The Check Boxes

Sure, you can create as many boxes as you like as you go along but remember all these boxes must also be a reflection of yourself. Would you check all these boxes for yourself?

So Where’s The Art In This?

Be brave, listen to your gut feel, open up your mind and do not be gullible. It is easy to fall in lust and confused it with love.

The 7-Eleven Is Always Around The Corner

I have this message to The Daughter. It is something unconventional but I will still do it anyway. It is about the birds and the bees.

And how 7-E is always around the corner.

To me, part of life’s lessons is not only taking the holistic approach to it but the practical side of things. That means, being a girl and a woman, you should be able to decide and control what is happening to your body, and keep it away from harm.

Harm such as unwanted pregnancy or venereal diseases.

 

It was said that the basics of using condom are so common. Some of the most frequent mistakes include putting a condom on partway through intercourse or taking it off before intercourse is over, failing to leave space at the tip of the condom for semen, and failing to look for damage before use. These errors can contribute to breakage or leakage, researchers reported in the journal Sexual Health.

From the study, here are the top condom errors:

1. Late application: Between 17 percent and 51.1 percent of people reported putting a condom on after intercourse has already begun. Other studies found that late application happens in 1.5 percent to 24.8 percent of sexual encounters.

2. Early removal: Between 13.6 percent and 44.7 percent of individuals in the studies had taken a condom off before intercourse was over. Other studies found that early removal happens in between 1.4 percent and 26.9 percent of sexual encounters.

3. Unrolling a condom before putting it on: Between 2.1 percent and 25.3 percent of people reported completely unrolling a condom before putting it on.

4. No space at the tip: Failing to leave a reservoir for semen was reported by between 24.3 percent and 45.7 percent of respondents, depending on the study.

5. Failing to remove air: Almost half (48.1 percent) of women and 41.6 percent of men reported sexual encounters in which air wasn’t squeezed from the tip of the condom.

6. Inside-out condoms: Between 4 percent and 30.4 percent of people reported rolling on a condom inside out and then flipping it the other way around, potentially exposing their partner to bodily fluids.

7. Failing to unroll all the way: 11.2 percent of women and 8.8 percent of men had started intercourse before a condom was unrolled all the way.

8. Exposure to sharp objects: Between 2.1 percent and 11.2 percent of people had opened condom packets with sharp objects or otherwise exposed the latex to tearing.

9. Not checking for damage: Meanwhile, 82.7 percent of women and 74.5 percent of men failed to check condoms for damage before use.

10. No lubrication: Between 16 percent and 25.8 percent of participants had used condoms without lubrication, increasing the risk of a break.

11. Wrong lubrication: In about 4.1 percent of sexual events, people used oil-based lubrications with latex, which can degrade the condom. About 3.2 percent of women and 4.7 percent of men reported this error.

12. Incorrect withdrawal: Failing to promptly and properly withdraw after ejaculation was a common mistake, occurring in up to 57 percent of encounters in one study. About 31 percent of men and 27 percent of women reported this error.

13. Condom reuse:  Between 1.4 percent and 3.3 percent of study respondents had re-used a condom at least twice during a sexual encounter.

14. Incorrect storage: Between 3.3 percent and 19.1 percent of people in the studies had stored condoms in conditions outside of the recommendations on the package.

Read the full story here:

http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/26/10511064-condom-use-101-basic-errors-are-so-common-study-finds#.T0skoa-pQ7c.email

Woman, Do You Know Your Place? *snicker, snicker*

(This is Hanie blogging from the 21st floor’s blogosphere somewhere in Klang Valley.)

Caveat: Read this at your peril. It came from cynical perspective, if you may. Please feel free to have your comments but do know that you agreeing (or not) to it is of no matter to me.

We women have come a long way from being timid, seen but not heard era and we can now own a car and drive it. Alone. Yea, you read that right. Kinda scary thought when women can be deliriously off during their period. They are emotional bunch, think with their feelings. Loud too. Besides they never get the reverse parking right.

Their life cycle consist them being born, grow up, serving the family especially the male family – father, brothers. Then, God forbid if they aged more than 21 and still single. You call them Old Maid. Women must get married at young age when their body is still young and able to produce sons for the husband to carry the family name. You cannot put ideas in women by sending them to school lest they come up with bright ideas. Bright ideas make them talk. When they dare to talk they would demand rights.

They dont have the right to their own bodies. It is always their fault when men cant control their desire when looking at them. Even if they were dressed covered from head to toe. They cannot control their passion. That is the reason why in some places in African countries it is the absolute husband’s right to get the local shaman to sew his wife’s genital when he goes travelling. 

Geez woman….. dont you know your place?

*eyes rolling*

What crap.

Let me share with you an ad from way back in 1950’s. This was sent to me by a female friend knowing I would literally pick up the content and blog away about it.

I did laugh till my tummy ached but I didnt roll on the floor though. I wore a nice black dress to work today so it would not do to roll on the floor and laugh. The carpet might snag my black stockings.

woman

When Do You Walk Out From A Relationship?

Case 1

Ms A’s husband has been coming back home late every night for the past 4 months. Always blaming for his work schedule and work stress, he started to neglect his wife and his 1 year old baby daughter. Apart from the daily verbal abuse, he was not paying any maintenance to hisfamily. He was also seeing another woman which also happens to live near where his family is. Ms A lamented to me over our breakfast one day that she bumped into her husband with the girlfriend when she was about to leave the apartment block where they are staying. Angry and totally sad with the whole thing, Ms A has decided to take the final plunge and pulled the husband for a serious talk. And was told that he will not stop seeing his girlfriend.

Ms A now is in talk with her Syariah lawyers to proceed with divorce proceedings.

Case 2:

I have blogged on Mrs A (different from Ms A) on What Is The Breaking Point Of A Human Emotion, where her husband had given her two STD episodes. They still cant have unprotected sex as she is still recovering. And obviously her husband doesnt really care. 

She is still with her husband for the sake of her children. She also thinks that she will be the pariah of the society should she become a divorcee.

 

Case 3:

Beautiful Mrs M is 35, smart, holds a great 9-5 job in a local clearing house in Taman Tun Dr Ismail. She bought a few properties while she was still a single young woman. 2 cars under her name. 3 children aged between 4 to 15 years old. Beautiful children, beautiful house, unhappy marriage.

Husband works in a local security company as a Manager in a shopping mall somewhere in Klang Valley and has been seeing a 21 year old cleaning lady for the past 6 months. A tight slap to her and emotionally draining too.

Mrs M is seriously considering a divorce as the husband has been neglecting the children. I suspect he has been abusing her as well by looking at a few unexplainable bruises that sometimes appear.

3 cases amongst the thousands that are out there. And these were only the tip of the iceberg. 

So, when do you walk out from a relationship? When he starts to physically abuse you? When you start to realize he did not fulfill his obligation as a husband? When the kids doesnt even know their dads? When your partner starts to give you weird diseases?

Walk away when there are no more solutions to offer and you have exausted all avenues to patch up the relationships. As a woman, you deserve to be happy, to be loved exclusively, to be wanted, respected, cherished and honoured.

To be a human being.

Lipsticks + High Heels = Rape?

I read with amusement and awe about how Kota Bahru’s municipal latest ban for the Muslim women’s employees not to wear lispticks and high heels which made a “tapping sound”. This, apparently to prevent incidents such as rape and illicit sex.

Read this amusing piece here.

Can these people explain the following:

I could go on and on and on about all of these sick rape cases happened in Malaysia, and if you had bother to notice, most are underaged. They are mere children who doesnt even know what sex is. By adding on the perception that women are responsible for men’s evil deeds are just a whole load of fucxxxg BS as fas as I can tell. Because men are adult enough to be responsible for their actions and thinking and social responsibilities.

Just because you are hungry you blame other people for not feeding you? Just because you are deprived of your sick sexual hunger, you blame other people for “persuading” you to do your evil deeds?

Lipsticks and high heels are not the main reason why people have illicit sex or invite rape.

Tell that to the parents whose children being raped and killed and they will tell you one thing or two that it wasnt the lipsticks and the high heels their children wore.

I know. I was a victim. And I sure wasnt wearing lipsticks and high heels too at 7 years of age.

Wanna See Whats Goes In My Spam Box?

As the title suggests, here are some of the garbages that goes in my spam box…..

  • Your length and girth are astronomical
  • Legendary tales of your sausage
  • Do you want to enlarge your penis?
  • Nothing beats a huge stick
  • Unleash your fury
  • Urgent transfer assistance (Nigerian scam, what else…)
  • Be the master of the bed
  • Your package is set to grow
  • Make love in Jamaica with our singles
  • And..of course the endless viagra pills ad..

Now, I neither have a dick nor do I want to make love in Jamaica with any singles, what are these people thinking? How do I explain to these people that the blue pills will not give me any erection as theres none to be “erected”?

The “transfer of fund assistance” will come in on daily basis and the writer will come in all sorts of names and the amount quoted will be sinfully be more than my digits could count.

Anyways, happy spam zapping, people! Ive just cleared mine!

How Many Condoms Do You Need In A Month?

I read with amusement about a news in msnbc.com how a US research base in Antartica had received their one year supply of condoms totalling to 16,500 for the usage of the 125 scientists and staff who are based there.

Rough calculation, that makes each person receives about 132 packets of rubbers, that turns out to be about 11 packets per month.

11 packets per month? Only? Unless you recycle them after each use OR you go celibate on most days, I cannot fanthom the consequences if you are on the “active” side.

Oh well, maybe you can just sauter to next bunker, and instead of borrowing a cup of sugar, you might say, ” Do you have extra pack that you can give me? I’d like the purple, studded one if you please? ”

Yea…

17 And Trapped In A Soon-To-Be Arranged Marriage

Over my usual late teh tarik last night with my teenager, she told me of her friend, K who ran away with his girfriend recently, that they will be married after the girl’s final SPM end of this year. I am not quite sure what is the local statistics of arranged marriage for young people in the country but I do know that the percentage of divorce rates for Malays who got married in their young age has increased significantly for the last few years.

I probed deeper the reasons these two are getting married and my teenager said that both sides of the parents have agreed to this arrangement. It seems that the girl’s parents have deemed her “spoilt” and thus it is apt enough for her to be married off to the boy who did her. As for the boy’s side, in their mind, this arranged marriage with the girl will curb his naughty ways.

I like to look from a different perspective on this issue. Not necessarily from religious point of view as every religion will eventually preach you on sex before marriage. No, you will get that from everyone else. I am thinking of how these two will have to brave the world, in all their young ages and not even equipped to even fend for themselves. What sort of life would this marriage will bring to these two?

The boy is hardly a man himself and considered not so “up there” academically. He failed in his last SPM results and is now jobless. I have a term for this phase – he cant even pee straight yet” phase, which is true. How can he be in a committed marriage like this, a partnership that even he cant understand and hes being thrown into a situation where he doesnt even know where he is heading?

Could the girl’s parents decided to throw her into this situation as to “saving face” because now she has become “a spoilt good” and that she has no value as a person? As a minor who is hardly 17, she cant even vote yet, cant even make a proper decision for even herself and her family is practically putting her in a situation where eventually, I feel, as if washing their hands and turning away from the real issues.

Saving face is pretty much part of being an Asian but here we are talking about the future of two teenagers who just did what teenagers do.

Dont the parents have some concious as well as these two are their own products?

WTF Are You Saying?

The profile in your online dating site can either can give you a breakthrough in finding that soul partner, or make you the joke of the day. You will start wondering why on earth you still havent gotten a wink or email or worse still, someone might have sent you an email and asks, ‘”are you for real??!”

Oish…

So…after skimming through a good number of profiles, I am quite convinced that online dating sites may be okay..but not for me. On the other hand, another friend came in defence of online dating sites, saying  that it saves the hassle of wading through all the “rubbish” in real life. Wow! Strong word coming from someone who is 24…I would have kept it at having “kissing so many frogs to find the Prince..”.

Some of the profiles that can run for Oscar For The WTF Are You Saying, in no specific order of atrocity or censorship:

Coming from a 45 year old guy……”good looking and can understand eachother, socialable not moneyminded cause i am not rich.  experience in sex life cause i am still learning. must be rich so that i need not spend too much if we are together. i am not cheap but honest donot want you laies to disapointed….”

My WTF translation: Ok…so this dude wants someone who is good looking and is a great mind reader. The gal of his dream must also be able to go hit the social scenes at all the various mamak stalls in the city as clubbing may be a tad too expensive for his pocket. Must have been had sex before and be good at it so that she can teach her all the hot moves. Oh yea…on top of being a hot, brainy, sex goddess, she must be rich as well to support him as well as he doesnt come cheap. (grabbing an airbag to puke)

“…..I like to make love and make fun in a same time with a woman whose realy understand what I like… “. On his favourite hot spot, “…..I like to stay in my house…”. On his favourite things, “…..Eating, Sports and woman”.

My WTF translation: he likes his sex and that the same being macho that he is, he will teach his woman to give him more more more as only his satisfation is important. Unless his house in built like a real dreamhouse that commands a view worth millions, this guy can be a real cheapskate as well judging from his favourite spot. And the fact that one of his fav things is “woman” makes me grabbing another airbag to puke.

Well, this 50 year old guy describes himself as “happy go lucky guy” and that he “likes to c tv and hav some drinks. would like to correspond with matured indepent ladies and msn. ladies who enjoy drinking and like to visit places. matured ladies with no committment. willing to correspond and make friends. flirting ok …”

My WTF translation: um…..ok…..(puke puke)

Now…the winner of the day…

TAAA DAAAAAAAAAA………….*CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!*

This 43 year old guy says his woman of his dream shoud be “….Smart but not excell. looking for future partner..if possible young lady but rich who can support me forever. i’m little bit particulars in everything related to my life. best is to listen to me if you don’t know anything about life. i’m still studying about life. my walking with simple life. however my future partner should be sophisticated and excellent in the way of islamic view. be patient with me…i love woman, cool one. tq”

Mt WTF translation: think I can get 5 kg off by puking today…sorry, need to rush to the bathroom now