Sometimes I tend to look back and realised that once in a while we put forth our faith and trust in a situation or a person so completely we forget that we should evaluate the scenario once in a while from deep inside ourselves. A friend told me that maybe it would be a good idea once in a while we just try not to be in complete control over the future so that we can fully enjoy the present moment. Not an easy thing if you’re from where I came from.
I dont know how to react to this statement.
I got married when I was pretty young, 21 years old to be exact. He was 26. We got married after a long friendship that spanned over 7 years. Looking at where I came from, it was a very difficult decision that I ever made. My parents were divorced, three times mind you (yeah…different post on this one..maybe) and the pain, confusion and loneliness just hit you like nobody’s business. I guess it was more of the pain and confusion that make me apprehensive about a committed relationship such as a marriage and I vowed that I would never get into that situation – ever.
But, I guess God has other plans. We weathered the marriage for the longest time, going through the motion without addressing any real issues that cropped up. We averted issues by not discussing it at all. It was up to a point where I would be writing what I felt, all pent up inside, on a piece of paper then bringing it home and carelessly leaving it on the dresser as if wanting him to find out what I felt inside.
I was scared that I might get old alone. I needed someone to be with.
I had faith that when I plunged myself in a marriage, I trusted that I would have someone to love and to cherish me till the day I die. I had faith in the little instituition we built. But not all were rose tinted I do realise now.
You need more than faith, trust and love to survive in a relationships.
You need communication – a good whole dose of it! You need to communicate what is inside you without fear. Besides who who would be the best person to know your innermost secret that your life partner who were supposed to weather any storm in life or wake up to the sunshine in the morning, together with you.
The minute you have the fear to express what is deep inside you, then you know there is something more than what is above the surface.
Why do you have that fear? Is it because of its possible retribution? Fear that your partner might no longer look at you in how you want him to? Lost your desirability? Attractiveness? Now he will only sees you with all your faults and not as the perfect person? What if you initiate something new in the bedroom and just when you get cosy your partner asked you, “Where did you learn this?”, when you both knew that it is an exclusive relationship?
Maybe another scenario may take that the initiating partner did have some sort of that experience and is now wanting to please the new parner. She may feel a bit intimidated and fear that he might think she has gone a little easy in the past. Tricky question with and equally tricky answer.
Male and female without doubt has weird mind set up altogether. What a man might consider as little issues may not be the case for the woman. Now, heres the tricky bit. The man might not express his thoughts as clearly as possible thinking the woman might read his mind. The woman in return, may think that he is not communicative enough of his feelings and thus making it difficult for her to understand why the man is so aloof when at home after work.
Men generally are difficult to express their feelings about certain issues, I found out.
Women tend to flock together to discuss what or how they feel over issues.
Typical scenario may look like this:
Man to man over a new hair cut
Man 1: “New hair cut?”
Man 2: “Yeah”
End of conversation.
Woman to woman over a new hair cut
Woman 1: “Wow! Is that a new hair cut??”
Woman 2: “Yes! Do you like it?”
Woman 1: “It looks great! Where is this hairdresser? The new styling brings out your best features.”
Woman 2: “Thanks…(giggles)..I could give you the number and check out the place. Maybe we could go together next time?”
…..And it goes on and on and on…
See the difference?