The Moments Lost…

And so the weekend is arriving.

My brain has just started to mull yet again towards the several past weeks. Still speechless, no word could describe of how I feel or how I should react. Perhaps it should be sadness yea? But somehow, that is not the only feel have inside me.

Dull, aching headache has been plaguing me since I heard the news. No less than ten gadzillion miles away is my dear cousin in England who did not know that I did not know. And it was her who brought the news. News that traveled like the winds blowing from East to West and back again, and then it disappears. The news traveled from Kuala Lumpur back to this little town of Raub, and somehow found its way to the further end of the world, and came back to Kuala Lumpur via the FB private message.

That my mother had passed away.


It is said that the life path of any person associated with a certain number to the name will bring fundamental influences to their lives. Her name commands the number 1, one of the most important figures in numerology.

There are just simply a few things in life that you thought would never disappear. You know, FB for one. It will always stay. Uncle Kuching, one of our cats is one but he died last year of natural cause. Parents are not allowed to die too. But they do.

The relationship between us was rocky at best. To think back, I actually spent a mere 18 years with her. The relationship drifted as I trudged through my adulthood with trials and tribulations.  I was trying to anchor my life to something better and wanted to live differently as how my parents were. Being a product of a broken home has not been easy. Your opinions are shadowed and viewed through some strange tinted glass…

But still, her strength to rise above the usual expectations of a kampung girl who did not even completed her secondary school has become an inspiration for me all throughout my life. Anecdotes based on my childhood stories with her are used in a lot of my facilitation and training programs. Strange, but true.

Life’s lessons from her has proven that abilities and skills to pursue something that you badly wanted are all in your minds. How bad do you want something?

I visited her grave days after she passed away. I sat on this stool next to her marker, admiring on the surrounding. So peaceful, almost ethereal with the verses of the Holy Al Quran playing at the background. I had the longest “conversation” with her on that bright, sunshiny afternoon. It was all one-way of course but I felt I was finally being able to tell her stuff. Stuff that I kept deep in my heart. I was angry with her for a lot of things. For forgetting about me and pushing me away from her life. I could have been a better daughter, but I felt that I was not given the opportunity to do so. In my pursuit to be different from my parents’ marriage, I ended up with a situation similar to theirs.

So, here I am.

Several weeks later. Just days before my own daughter’s wedding. My own thought of this wedding and the experience so far calls for a blog piece of its own.

I guess, there are things in life that you will carry all throughout your life.

Yellow And Red


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red and yellow

August ends with a big bang. We did not go anywhere as the last few days leading to 31st August were filled with project meetings.

And of course the much talked about till-the-end-of-time Bersih 4.0 rally on the 29th and 30th August. The Reds wanted some of their own air time and so air time they got on the 16th September. Screaming Malay supremacy, the Reds thronged the Petaling Street, Bukit Bintang and Padang Merbok.

To add to the festivity, FRU joined in and shower them with water cannon.


I, for one, loath racism. Yes, I am a Malay first because that is what I am. But, I am also a Malaysian. I grew up in the small town of Raub where all kinds of skin colours exist. Actually, there were no colours at all. We all lived as Ali, Ah Chong, Muthu and everything else in between.

Being married to a foreigner makes you open up your eyes and perspectives much wider. There is no pure race, just a multitude of nationals inter mingling with each other. I also do not believe in ketuanan or ownership of a country.

Things have changed and so should the minds of the modern individuals living in the modern worlds. Malaysia does not grow and prosper based on the works of a sole race alone. Neither it reaches its productivity and wealth through the sole work of one man.

Dear Kitten….

This household has 25 cats all together, not including 4 kittens from Ms Tiger who got herself pregnant before we had the chance to send her for snip-snip. You dont see all of the 25 at any given time. But, perhaps the most is about 15-20 at best, during meal time. This is especially so if it is wet food or boiled chicken is served.

At the oddest time, we will have the newbie who are just being rescued from somewhere. It could be from the major highway at 10 pm in the middle of the rain, or somewhere in the middle of a busy inter section of the city, or anywhere where you dont even think how on earth a cat happen to be there.

So, this new newbies need to adjust to the new environment. They have to learn the hierarchy of the household. Who eats where, who gets to sit longer on THAT particular cat bed, or who gets the privilege to come into the bedroom. That kind of stuff.

I found this video below absolutely entertaining and completely adorable. The elder  cat reminds me of Uncle Kucing who passed away sometime this year. And, we all miss him dearly.

Of Being Independent


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independent quote

I was with this candidate a few days ago. We were in a cafe, deep in conversation as I was preparing her for an important interview the next day. I knew her when she was about 7 years old. Her father used to be a work colleague. I used to visit their lovely home in Petaling Jaya for Eidil Fitri. The grandmother baked the best kuih kacang (peanut cookies) I have ever tasted. Several years later, my friend and his wife were divorced. Essentially, the children grew up in between two houses. I lost contact with my friend and have not met the children in so many years. Until several months back.

Anyways, as she was telling me her experience being a wife (she got married 3 years ago), she said that there are many of her favourites activities that she doesnt do anymore.


Interesting how she described that she herself has changed to accommodate the “need” of her new home. The need to feel like a someone’s wife or someone’s staff or to fill the need to feel “belong”.

The Paper Chase That I Do Not Have

(HRB blogging from the comfort of an air-cond room, her heart is yearning for a long travel to the East Coast and burying her toes in the hot, soft sand on the beach)

It is common knowledge that Steve Jobs never completed his education. His real paper qualification came in the form of a high school education and a one semester in a college. That’s it.

It would be fantastically funny to see how his resume will look like if he is ever invited to pitch for a project case with this Government agency that my team is working on right now. As usual, team members are to be screened before being admitted to the project. I am perplex as to how my training certificate from 35 years ago needed to be sighted by them.

Training certificate from 35 years ago? If whatever skills and experience that I have today (and clients are actually paying me for my services) are based from a puny training certificate from 35 years ago, then I digress.

Wombat Is Not A Pig

Do not believe me? Ask Uncle Google.

wombat baby

There is a current uproar in Malaysia, being blasted by who-else but the oh-so Melayu no less. Read about it here.

I am saddened by all these idiotic mentality that is now so prevalent in Malaysia. Instead of going forward, we are all going so backwards. With more smart phones and access to knowledge via the internet, so surprise there are still people who are just so lazy to research on a subject.

The subject in discussion is a mascot in a form of wombat. Sydney (he has a name) is the official mascot for ServeCorp, an Australian company. Now, if these people care to read a bit more about ServeCorp, they should know about the mascot. The embarassing part was when someone from DBKL said that the image is of a “beruang” (bear).

sydney mascot

This reminds me of an Eidil Fitri advertisement a few years ago which was produced by TV3 if I am not mistaken. The advertisement was showing a couple of happy children on a flying cart. They were also playing in a garden filled with flowers including lotus flowers. Seemed such an innocent ad right?

One dude who had nothing better to do during the Ramadhan said that the flying cart was a symbol of Christianity as it looked like Father Chrismas with his sledge. The lotus flowers were deemed offensive as it symbolized the Buddhist faith.

The question is, why are we like this? Why the intolerance towards others? Is there a certain food that we are eating nowadays that affects our thinking skills and making us less rationale and less accepting?

It must be the nasi lemak then. Could it be the banana leaf rice we eat on Sundays? Or the chap fan?

Something Is Missing In This Ramadhan

Every year, I would look forward to Ramadhan. It is a month of solitude, soul searching, do good, self and spiritual discovery.

This year has been different. Two weeks down after the Ramadhan starts, I am still not “feeling” or “finding” it. The mind is still spinning as fast as it could and my heart is still not at ease and calm.

What could it be?

The Business Of Kain Batik Sarung, Towel And Women In Short Skirts

I am setting up my new business venture.

Selling kain batik sarung at all the main entrances of courts, transportation offices and Government buildings. On top of this, I am also going to sell towels near the main entrances of public hospitals. How much are YOU willing to pay for each piece?

More news on kain batik sarung and towel cladded women, read the link below:



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