Of Real Empowerment

 

The real empowerment is in the mindset and the actions following to that. Does not matter that whether you are a man or a woman.

  • No point of having education, but blinded on why you need to learn
  • No use of having a spouse if you do not grow together and ended stifling each other
  • No use of having power when the only thing you know is oppressing others
  • A waste of time if you have everything in the world but still have entitlement mentality
  • A real waste of air if you can live contributing to the benefits of your family, and yet chose to be a garbage.

#Sundayrant

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2018, And Still Standing

And so, I am on the 4th day of 2018.

New Year, 2018, New Year'S Day

Feeling unwell, thinking that it might as well the heavens pour down heavy rain and the earth opens up the hell holes. I spent the holidays nursing my colds and vegetating in front of the TV, getting OD-ed on Star Trek and all the action movies with the furkids curling about me.

If I had my way, I’d be elsewhere, but doing the same thing.

How did 2017 go?

Nuts, Mixed Nuts, Food, Assorted

Mixed nuts, I must say.

Miserable on most months with some highlights just like the soft ray of sun peeking out in the morning. However, managed to finish off the year with a few nice projects and hopefully will follow up with a few interesting ones early in the year.

I was walking in the city that one day and saw those birds flying across the sky. Thinking how carefree their lives are. Then, I thought about how long does a bird live. 20 years, that’s the average span of a bird lives. I was barely living at the age of 20.

It kind of confusing.

What’s In There?

Stuff. Lots of stuff. Thinking of my priorities this year, and the lessons learnt from years past, especially in 2017.

There are so many little, personal projects that I had to abandon last year. Not that they are not important but the fact that other priorities have taken place instead. Health comes back topping the list again for this year. And so is personal development and mental health. Financial target is another area I’d like to work on again.

 

Away, Road, Hitch-Hike, Hitcher, Pickup

 

 

 

I Think About Death Every Day

Death Valley, California, Desert

Desolate, hauntingly beautiful landscape, no one in sight but just an existence in a realm of nowhere.

No, not so much about depression that brings suicidal thoughts but more of a self-awareness that brings about the thinking of “what ifs” The thought makes me want to capture every moment there is, and experience what is there as if death is just around the corner.

Just a mere 8 months ago, G and I experienced an accident along the Karak Highway when we drove back from Raub, Pahang to go home after a lovely weekend with some friends, Eric and Tara. That accident has left me traumatised over driving on rainy days. I thought we would never go home alive on that day. As much as I was not ready to make my Maker, I wanted to make peace with him considering that my past has been a pretty mix of a colourful palette of colours.

Somehow that incident has left me with more thoughts about my existence on this planet.

Why am I here?

What if people see that my undies are mismatched?

Yeah, I had this thing when I was young. Considering that I used to be a fast bike rider, an accident is inevitable. Had that way too many times. Each time, I had to be carried off by ambulance or someone’s car to the ER in the small town of Raub. The thought of people realizing that my undies are mismatched was real.

Live and love as if there is no tomorrow.

Good in the idea but not quite the same in reality. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, so they say. 10 kg ago it was so easy to breeze through the short run of 15-20 KM, climbing the hills or the jungle trekking over the weekend. Nowadays, it will take me a few good breathing breaks just to walk briskly around the lake near our home.

Giving, is an art, they say. And so is showing empathy towards others. Doing something for yourself is as important although I suspect that I have not been doing well in that department for so many years. There is no zest or that rush of doing impromptu stuff anymore. I should reconsider this for 2018 onwards.

To live and not to love, is a sin. Loving another, God, neighbours…friends…Another area where I need to improve.

A lot.

I supposed it is not too bad thinking about death after all. Makes you think more though…

 

Where did 2017 go?

It is the first week of December 2017.

And I am feeling shitty just as how I have been feeling for the last many months. All of the short burst of energies did just that – short burst of energy – did not last long.

No more euphoric feelings.

This year has been especially tough, but not as tough as 2014. Looking back, and I think I should be heeding my own words, I need to think about these:

  1. what should I start doing?
  2. what should I continue doing?
  3. what should I stop doing?

Dog, Sad, Waiting, Floor, Sad Dog, Pet, Puppy, Animal

 

NegaraKu, Sehati Sejiwa

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In just a few days, this beloved country will be celebrating its 60th Merdeka Day. Time flies, the landscape changed, the weather changed, have the people changed?

Just yesterday I posted something on my LinkedIn about a career event and one guy blasted about how all of the jobs in Malaysian are highjacked by the foreigners. It was also the same day that I questioned the validity of the recruitment process of some companies in hiring career come-back women.

When I was a young kid, I remember going to my friends’ houses for lunch right after school. My parents were at one time, were travelling often due to work. We never saw the skin colour. The language was just different. We just knew that the Chinese kids from Chung Ching School were better with their basket ball game. The Shahbandar kids were mostly from out of towners and MGS kids usually get into fights with the boys from Mahmud Primary.

That’s it. No racial tension. We all ate at the same table. Sat next to each other in Lin Siong bus from Sg Ruan to town on Saturday to watch the cheap matinee.

And cried the same tears of joy and sadness.

Have we changed for the better in our last 60 years?

 

 

When You’ve Hit Rock Bottom

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Most of the times, the closest persons that you love suffer the most when you’ve hit rock bottom and you think you could not get your shit together.

This rock bottom shit, is likened to driving a car in a flash flood. You know how KL is famous for its flash flood due to bad irrigation in certain parts of the city. You think you have the SMART Tunnel to save you from all these trouble. 20 minutes of heavy rain and you can see cars floating at the road next to Semantan MRT station.

Anyways, I digress.

Back to this rock bottom shit.

My dad used to tell me that when you have to drive your car in a minor flash flood (you dont be idiot by driving through a flood), make sure you engage the gear to 2nd gear and for God’s sake, KEEP ON MOVING. If you still drive in D , the gear will shift and water will get into the engine.

I can tell you, that certain Mr Steven the mechanic will have a tough time telling you how many zero’s in the bill that you have to fork out.

Coming back to being at a rock bottom situation. This Ramadhan has been tough. Testy and all that. I have stopped counting how many times I had to pull myself together and just. move. on.

For, there are light at the end of the tunnel.

Although, it did not meant death either.

(Although it did came to my mind that this might be my last Ramadhan on this earth. Which might not be good. There’s a very spoilt husband who does not know how to pull the duvet together. There are 26 kitty cats that will annoy the shit out of him too)

So, just like driving a car through a minor flash flood.

Keep on moving.

We don’t want the water to get inside the engine.

Be Brave, My Friend.

The Malay has a saying…disangkakan hujan hingga ke petang, rupanya hujan di tengah hari…(you thought it will be sunny till the evening, but it rains at noon).

After close to 20 years of marriage, a friend of mine is ending her marriage. She’s moving out from her marital home this week.

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Be brave, my friend. Be very brave…

It is a big world out there. But you can survive as you have always been a survivor all these years.

Life is too short to be unhappy and living a life of misery. Pick up the pieces again as you go along.

Be brave, my friend…

There is always a silver lining at the end of the dark clouds. You just need to keep on moving and don’t stop.

The world may feel like it is opening up, swallowing every bits of your broken heart  and heavens falling down on you. But, that is okay. The sun will rise again just like any other day. The birds will sing, the flowers will bloom. You just need to see the beauty that God creates for His creatures. And you move on.

Be brave, my friend. Be brave…

I Forgot to Blog About My Birthday

Food. One of my favourite topics. The last birthday was all about food and food and friends and families. The birthday was last month’s the 20th April. I was 18 again. Three cakes within the 48 hours! And, of course, more food, friends, families. (The 3 Fs)

Birthday Eve Dinner

The birthday kicked off with a pre birthday dinner at our regular favourite, Muhibbah Restaurant, Sg Penchala.

Simple yet satisfying meals together – sweet and sour chicken, garlic asparagus and I wanted the fried spicy loh shee fun.

The Day

Right on the day, our company together with an associate consulting firm had organized a forum in one of the hotels in the city. We had about 30 odd CHROs who attended our event and I felt blessed to have such wonderful network.

Being a breakfast forum, we obviously had, what else, but a lovely breakfast spread. Now, this being the Ritz-Carlton, no simple food can look simple in their hands.

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Did I tell you that their nasi lemak was SEDAP?

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Finally as we wrapped up the event, suddenly the front entrance to the hall opened up and I saw several hotel staff pushing a food cart with two cakes and candles. People started to sing birthday song, and I wondered, “Whose birthday?”

Duh.

IMG_20170420_113357Check out the birthday cakes! Aren’t they just awesome!

18447585_10154632537206169_7253276834594800577_nYou can see how surprised I was….

The event ended on a high note with more lunch treat from friend, CJ at the Sentidos, Starhill Gallery. (by now no turning back on the calorie counting).

You want good service? Checked.

You want good food? Checked..

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(above) The juicy shrimps…IMG_20170420_135733

…and the grilled juicy lamb…

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…and tacos…

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and finished off with churros…by this time, I am telling you, I could go on for days without food.

More cake and makan the next day…

The next day we attended tahlil and doa selamat at our friend’s place, Eda. Tahlil for her late hubby, and our good friend, Allahyarham Megat. What I didnt know was that she had also prepared a beautiful cake for me!

(I love you Eda….thank you!)

IMG_20170421_223147Yeah, another one of that surprised look…hahaha…